Run with Scissors

Don’t run with scissors

Well, why not? Who says?

I’ve run with scissors all my life.

And have systematically failed,

To poke my own,

(or anyone else’s) eyes out.

When I was four, I stole a pair of pinking shears,

and cut my sister’s and my own hair;

Put it in a jam jar for my mum,

For Mothers Special Day.

Turns out, neither of them liked it very much,

But that never put me off scissors.

Then they gave me the round-ended ones;

Which I just thought provided far more surface area,

To potentially poke someone’s eyes out with -

It just doesn’t make common sense.

Really, how many people have you ever met,

Who have poked an eye out,

Whist running with scissors?

Where’s the empirical evidence?

If you’re asking me for my advice;

Don’t run with a straw in a can of softdrink.

It will most certainly go straight up your nose.

I swear, once, a straw nearly poked my brain out.

Don’t run with scissors?

Don’t run with straws, that’s what I say.