Restless Days

i feel like a prisoner in my own homeshuffle about in gloomall the lights offopen the door to eat and retreat back into my cellexhaust all my entertainmentcrawl into bed and hope the day passes quicker

i can't reach out because what if they say nowhat if they decide that they don't enjoy my companythey don't want to be around me because we've already hung out three times this week and they need to do workthe one person i want to be aroundi can't talk to without hating myseflwithout fearing my feelings exposing themselvesi don't want to ruin what's there so I bury my hope of what could be and sit in my dark roomwriting a poem to no onedreaming of a happiness that will never be mineconjuring up false reasons to say noor to deny myself enjoyment

my body is a coiled springwaiting to do somethinganything besides sit herebut i can't movecan't make a sound what if someone seesno one can see

i will lie in bed and pray to sleep so that i won't have to live through the hoursand in the morning it will repeatit will become my every dayi will become my restless spiriti will become my wallsi will become my socked feet on the linoleum floor