Remind Me

im not the evil one here.

im not the damaged one.

im not impossible.

why do you want so bad to hate me.

every day I’m trying to be who u want me to be.

and it’s killing me.

everyday another name thrown at me.

and as I try to deflect it.

its hitting me.

every time I don’t do something good enough.

its hurting me.

every time I put myself out there to be better for you.

i lose myself.

im not hopeless.

im not wrong.

im not nieve.

every part of me, has only wanted to love you.

and every part of me has been shot down.

every shadow I’ve faced, I’ve faced alone.

every demon I’ve encountered, I’ve had to fight off alone.

every tear that’s fell through me, I’ve had to wipe away on my own.

my heart is weighing heavy.

but I’m still trying.

I want to keep trying.

but how much longer do I have to keep trying.

because I am good.

my intentions are good.

I fight off my darkness, alone.

so why when I can’t find the light, why can’t you come and guide me.

why can’t you help me.

why can’t you tell me, I don’t need to worry, because every scary face that I encounter isn’t going to harm me, because you will protect me.

why do you want to destroy the strength, I’ve made for myself.

why within a couple of seconds can you make me forget all my glory.

the mirror you hold me, portrays something so hopeless.

something so broken.

doubting the capability I have grown so comforting to.

i love you, but every day that I love you,

I unlove a part of myself.

and every day that I put another mask on,

a pair of eyes I don’t recognize look back at me,

another self made demon appears looking over my shoulder.

ready to bear his heavy weight apon me.

as I go to reach for my light,

he smiles back at me,

and it’s hard to breath.

somethings always fighting me.

as to remind me.

that I fight these battles solo.

and the darkness summons me.

—Amber Speakman