Reflections on a Life Nearing Its End

Reflections on a life nearing its end — or a warning to the young

I have lived a life of many parts

some happy and some sadness filled.

My age now rises high as the larks

but without sweet song being trilled.

I seem to have been swept many ways

by winds of others urgent needs

my youth, oh how I wish I could have stayed

before responsibilities grew like weeds

thinking of the world at large,

will all things even out?

as smooth as a creeping barge?

or will savagery tear us all about ?

I have believed in many things,

some worthy of my thoughts

and some hollow empty rings.

some just others convictions being taught.

Birth and death begin with pain,

why is the world being driven?

surely the life between must gain?

not everything should be so riven.

I have read so many words, experienced so much

yet I still feel I know so little.

I ask myself, have I really even learnt to touch?

is all of life just tattle tittle.

My parents, so good and kind,

grew in a world split by wars

yet they never showed pained mind,

even when joints pained by sores.

life was simple, followed rules

no one sold them joy tomorrow

so life went at pace of mules.

now we all rush so hard to sorrow

happiness is just a moment

fleeting as lightening flash

so few even seek atonement

simple things have lost to trash.

if not bought and new,

we are told it's all bad.

this brings rewards to so few

and leaves millions oh so sad.

I have known failure to give orgasmic delight

yet shared other times of passion

been wrong when convinced of right

but never succumbed to tricks of fashion

I have been rich and also poor

I have been fit and strong

but also weak and oh so sore

I have never carried a song

I have written books that sold

then been dashed by publishers trims

if only they had been bold

my treasure could support my whims

I have been both cause and victim

quilt and sufferance in similar measure

so often my ego has just limped in

with only hope left to treasure

My mother was born in a time zone

when horse ruled and cars were rare

She lived to see mobile phone

and people flying in the air

from a time when illness killed so many

to a time when neglect is costed in pence

and yet nothing can be bought for a penny

and politicians all sit on the same fence

I grew in a time of war

yet childhood safe from reality

all around was bloodshed and gore

yet children shielded from insanity.

The pace of change increasingly fast

that which was allowed to grow

no one now spends time before the mast

is harvested almost before we sow

We marvel at things were sold

wanting not needing is now the rule

never allowed to be bold

yet some survive on only gruel

In a world so rich and varied hue

money and wealth makes lords on men

not many; only a few

while better and more worthy live in a pen

nobility and valiant strife

disregarded, for lies and spin

ability to falsify runs rife

pushing all that’s good in the bin

What hope lies for children to come

if deceit and fakery bring fame

will a new dawn restore some

pride to humanity and these evils tame?

There are so many good and bright

yet we bury these under morons needs

rise up do not give up the fight

it only takes scattering of seeds

fine values and creative skills

to rule the lives of men

women guide spirits to real thrills

honour and virtue rise from muddy fen

The world is not yet lost

we can go forward to better time

say no to marketing dread dross

and even I may find a rhyme

Money and fear go hand in hand.

With it, they fear its loss.

Without it, fear the strong armed band

legal fees raise the cost

for those who have nothing left

from these the banks steal ever more

care not for lives bereft

truth and honour, replaced by a rotten core.

In my life I have had pain

but also sweet children to love and cherish

bringing so much joyful gain

If their happiness is certain, my life can perish

I have gazed upon painted Guernica

marvelled at Pablo's skill

painting pain and humanity's murder

great art worked at hard to thrill

I seen and heard such wondrous music

Mahler in orchestral pomp

Sir Rattle leading such a physic

heart lifting joy and emotions romp

I have seen Nureyev such a dance

leaping with grace that defy mere words

such faultless leaps are not chance

such long and hard work to fly like birds

I have seen races finest

Jim Clark, Duke, and Surtees too

Graham Hill and Mike H at their best

my lesser skills I do rue.

I have ridden far and wide

free and wild as the wind

no helmet my hair to hide

now all this called sinned

at a rushing speed

only skill and nerve

save breaking like a reed

adrenaline rush to serve

I have lived in freedoms bosom

yet know the price this love can bring

death and pain will come to some

and age does slow most everything.

Love and pain seem so common

why they twine each to other

laughter laced with the solemn

let love and laughter be as brother

why do we always spoil the time

I have caused weeping and shed my tears

wishing for others share sunshine

as always mostly due to fears

now old ages has become my station

The younger me never thought

to live beyond the next location

now freedom curbed as failing body so fraught

no wealth to comfort me

all taken by failure to play banking game

without them I would still be free

but so many good are the same.

Lacking wealth and so a choice

causes friction and frustration

in old age I have lost my voice

just one in aging nation

failure in so many ways

so much belief has been shed

hope eternal still it stays

fading memories darken my bed

I lost a son to illness vile

worked so hard I missed children’s growth

a family when divorce was style

desperation to bring home a fat loaf.

Failure to preserve a life so rich and deserving

church teaching not help a jot

heaven seems for only priests reserving

working hard not achieve a lot

trying to help yet have a life

shared hopes and aims

all ended in strife

now just balance loss and gains

I have crossed from Aachen to Lille

one night of blinding snow

never another light in sight

flat out from boarder till France in sight

I have driven Innsbruck to French Calais

in ten hours plus ten minutes

it was a fine dry day

driving close to cars limits

but now age dims the mind

that which would still be fun

such fast reactions now hard to find

not even fit to run

I can still do my yoga neat

press ups by the score

but now need to rest my feet

and have become a bore.

In my early manhood

lived or died by quick reactions

what I would do then I could

now age slows by fractions

now treated as if in childhood

by one who claims to love me

whose pain is real if object I should

such tears and great upset till tea

I have know both the great imposters

success and dark failure

one does ego greatly foster

while other is despondence allure

I have know sweet passions fill

many hours and kind embrace

and also failed to thrill

last to finish loves great chase

Now I need my time to ponder

while others feel the need to govern

my every moment just to wander

over trivial gossip on a sloven

so few do focus hard

where we gave concentration

now they have TV by the yard

effort swapped for sensation.

Sadness fills some hours

my failure to my daughters

with lives no beds of flowers

I feel not done as I aught a

their lives not easy as I would wish

Princesses both with great kids

and I can not afford a fish

to feed them full to their lids

I fell so much that they do so well

despite their dad not providing

if others were my life to tell

may be a different bell to ring

who knows as truth is what each new mind

makes of what each eye does see

and interpretation is not always kind

especially if you can not pay the fee.

To bolster others esteem so low

I accept blame where differences lay

others have their own seeds to sow

and I accept the need that I must pay

for times when my self I put first

praised for powers I thought dead

gloried in another’s thirst

causing others to live in dread

I think of what might have been

was I too proud or deceived

did hope obscure what I should have seen

when things I did were well received

yet yielded me and mine

nothing that could bolster pride

not a single dime.

did big business take me for a ride?

yet I still have that need,

to write words of my own,

even if I feed others greed,

may be from seeds other sown.

Banks will lend and lend,

until you have the greatest need.

Then they collectors send

intent of taking all your feed

what logic drives this action

to give when have and take from nothing

no wonder anarchies reaction

leaving good men in wasteland roughing

Yet bankers given big rise

while working men beg for crusts

sharp practice wins the prise

while the law all grievance shuts

Justice and law are now so very far apart

ancient times they were the same

now lawyers expect payment just to fart,

what is right is not in the game.

When young our health is of no concern

we play and learn without a thought

now I am old, wellness I have to earn.

The work and stress have results un-sought

muscles once kept in trim

by life activities

now sag to shape like a bin

my age taking liberties

while never large and strongest man

at running races I was listed

usually an also ran

never one for feet so blistered

but my strength and speed

hidden in a frame so light

could others once deceive

not expected in one so slight

Now I struggle to keep in shape

finding time and space

for work at beating tape

always someone in my face

But while eyes and ears

tolerance and wit

reduce with passing years

I am still said to be fit

these words may be kindness meant

as dimmed eyes still clearly see

reflections that show me bent

while all around I see the key

life needs happiness and joy

smiles and contented people

not demands for yet another toy

these expectations high as a steeple

leave no time or space for myself

oft do I hear that cry

its only putting up a shelf

but it replaces what done before

and that took days of thought and work

wasted my time which makes me sore

every moment thoughts do lurk.

That I exist just to bring others dreams

to occur in life

my own ambitions which are reams

lost to prevent strife

some things in practice are an easier rap

plumbing in a machine

clamp on a self cutting tap

so easy to be keen

no leaks and pipes to seal

all done in moments serene

old time workers would just reel

how easy now this scene

In this lifetime of my many more

English born and raised

midst slaughter and war

in family calm not fazed

but left alive at the end

to live with threatened Armageddon

which side won I can not send

truth is not what we are fed on

Flower power and freedom wide

were given, who knows why

live for now and enjoy the ride

drink down and reach the sky

The music rocked and wild rides pleased

colours shaped our every day

free caresses teased

all before was drab as clay

I survived my foolish acts

enjoyed some times

but lacked all tact

at others simple mimes

some times I was the cause

at others victim, me

suffering the hurt sores

always try to be

myself whoever this can be

life flows with ups and downs

which is right, we can not see

lost wilderness to towns

now all seems urban myth

protected from ourselves

we’ve lost the earth’s solid pith

now we bow to the elves

who tell us what we can risk

no hurt or harm must sustain

lest we get lost in a mist

yet what is life if not obtain

triumph over fear and pain

without these, no gain

I have lost to deaths embrace

both son and brother too

father and dear mother

gone but not forgot.

As greater poet than myself

did say

in balance yet this life

this death

Some know where they were

when JFK went though deaths door

My memory has failed

but I joined as freedom railed

the death of one shining light

words that brought hope so bright

may be if was a false dawn

and still fragile as a fawn

But hope is better than no cause

with hope you chase and do not pause

we poor and peasant stock

expected to take each knock

power wielded by those, who spin best lies

they never utter pains great sighs

All together they often cry

The ruling socialists greatest lie.

The state know best they try to claim.

But only the elite they claim are sane

we poor with minds are slain

to feed the need for social fame

Champaign socialists used to be a mock

now they rule and pretend to care a flock

When great wars I survived,

when by chance I revived

life was good and worth the risk

now I am way down the list

one more old mouth to feed

reducing available politicians greed

one who sees through their words

and knows they would feed us curds

if only we did not have the vote

won for us by previous words we wrote

The blood of great men past

when priests genuinely did fast

Medieval times of strife

freedom earned by a knife

At least then villainy was brave

might was right, held the nave

now hidden rules and pretended light

stolen virtue masked as right

leaders have courage less than mice

shouting onward while they welcome vice

Religion was labelled opium of the masses

but now we have television and electro game

whipping thoughts from people with lashes

that are silent but still minds can maim.

Propaganda fed through soaps

attention spans reduced to seconds

making millions of people into dopes

all calculated by those who reckons

Life has been reduced, to survival

Too many people and elitist power

who will never truly accept a rival

care not if good men forced to cower.

Creativity needs support and blessing

money, now is the only absolute

no matter what the skill or dressing

you get nothing of your words do not suit

without promotion all the work is wasted

promotion costs money and feeds media

that claims freedom but is so tainted

it starves the people, feeds just the seedier

Minds accepting getting by

where once we strived to fly

we drink and eat and watch TV

not constructing careful thought

never thinking what is to be

crushed by always failing back to nought

those who strive to escape

branded traitors to the cause

try to burst through the tape

then hounded without pause.

Question those who set the trend

self-appointed masters of truth

find yourself cursed without end

Their truth is but lies with different roof

question them about their research

try checking method, oh so suspect

pilloried as if claim heresy besmirch

They now lie so openly, such disrespect.

If lies exposed they do not care

just claim the exposer is the villain

false claims of crimes so rare

discredit the truth, so hide a killing

Not of a person but of truth

No matter that millions pay

with lives blighted and minds destroy

never let the peasants get in the way

social experiments treats people as a toy

Those liberal and social thinkers

try things on humans but protect a cat

change education and watch with blinkers

ensuring only they can judge a fact

they live in walled and gated enclave

protected from birth by others work

yet claim they know what is best for a slave

yet from dirty hands they shirk

When lives of so many harmed

they continue pushing on

not their kids turned to morons

never admit to being wrong

truth buried under all their cons

A land with no room to breath

social cohesion just a dream

the poor left alone to grieve

told lies about how they seem.

But declare the experiment is a fail,

and all scorn poured upon your head.

Blasphemy they shout and wail,

claim you have taken paupers bread.

Yet it is they and their ego,

claiming right to dictate,

that people just need bread and bingo.

Claiming they know others fate.

They and only they, know what others need.

The state must rule, their only shout.

If people starve as plans fail to feed,

blame the failure on enemies without.

Letting people think and feel,

is not allowed, in the peoples name.

Crush all thoughts and all zeal,

the masses must all be the same.

How can liberals and socialists feel great,

if working people allowed to think,

and realise they master their own fate.

This could happen if the controllers blink,

feed the belly and starve the mind,

dumb the senses, give them lies,

drown out all truth others find.

So securely, we all are tied.

When young and may be wild

my health and strength took no thought

not big, not fast but strong, said notes filed

freedom now was all I sought

not the brightest of my year

others sharper and bigger puff

but neither slowest, when brain in gear

maths, physics and reading well enough

a love and knowing how things work

education training from first principle

no challenge ever to great to shirk

but never one of humanity's invincible.

Now older and worn down

weighed by responsibility

face a constant frown

loosing the given ability

yet still feel there is more I can do

with a mind that methods understand

to be alive and gain freedom to

always strive and hope for wealth so grand

To be free from trivial plight

without fashions feckless absurdity

able to focus on finding a future bright

and no financial moribundity

My muscles now are weak and slow

yet I set much younger people

so lazy and dead to energy's sweet flow

I could still climb a higher steeple.

I am restless and feel trapped inside,

others needs for constant change.

a need they demand I fill by their side,

while I long the distant hills to range.

The distant hills of my mind

need silence, their peace to find.

We all need outlets for our minds

but some demand attention of feel anger not feigned

weird or not it takes all kinds

whiles those like me can be self contained

I underestimate the range and hurt

that can be felt at slightest snub

my careless words spoken in voice so curt

can lead to turmoil and tears to blub.

My remorse at causing pain

while not empathise with the other

Never spoke my words for gain

never intend grief to a lover.

It is a strange effect of getting older

I become more impatient with life’s event

even waiting while the computer compacts a folder

what seemed so instant now lasts as long as lent

my joints now ache with pain unrelenting

my mind still rushes faster than fingers can type

too old to buy must be always renting

yet I have no idea how to Skype

The ideas flow just as fast

but the body can not keep up

like a play with stellar cast

but a written plot that is a pup

age withers and slows us down

hearing fades and eyes do to

drawing puzzled frown

missing point and my cue

misunderstand and misunderstood

focus reduced by pain and tiredness

not communicating even when could

when the young seem not to care-less.

The people who claim leadership over me

seem so remote and distant from my life

as far away as ancient kings would be

and even more mired in corruption rife

At least in olden times, the king led troops from in front

now those claiming power, stay hidden from sight

Hide behind some elected intellectual runt

Bureaucrats control but never seen at a fight

They days when power was visible have disappeared

now we have church and parliament

just distractions from who should be feared

unseen masters getting rich, never saying what is meant

The world is overflowing with too many people

Gaia crushed by human greed

climb and watch from a steeple

life is more than just new seed

Young people filled with arrogance so vile,

cowardly hidden by electronic distance.

Spewing insults at all, but with no style.

One day they face reality and cry for assistance.

Life in their virtual castle, critical without just cause,

one day they will face those they tried to bully,

in hard reality and not able to click on pause,

they will deserve all the pain, oh so fully.

May be then they learn to actually live,

not just visualise and hide away.

They will find others have more pain to give,

unfairness so they will say.

Yet, in truth they get just rewards,

for insults and pain they chose to cause.

Karma comes to all and comes with swords,

ten fold pain and insults will pour without pause.

As we grow older, those dear to us also age,

they also become infirm and fall sick.

In some ways life is like a book, with page after page,

but in this book pages have to be turned every tick,

the clock of time never stops.

It measures far more than hours going by,

the records allow success as well as flops.

Both fade in memory, however hard we try.

Those we love have troubles too,

feeling their pain and loss, adds to our lot,

and so life builds up things to rue.

It seems so far from sleeping in a cot.

We are born and travel towards heavens treasure,

we bring forth new life and guard them well,

we laugh and mourn in equal measure.

But none can avoid that eventual tolling bell.

Some we love will fear death that comes too soon,

some will fear missing life’s extremes.

Fear itself becomes the pain, as constant as the moon.

Yet for all we know nothing is as it seems.

Since we have had laws to obey,

and gave power to a few, over all,

justice has gone away.

Right and wrong have taken a great fall.

The law rules our every moment,

while truth and honesty are subdued.

Long gone the notions of atonement,

now fees to courts are all that's fuelled.

Even nations bow to self important few,

how come democracy can be negated?

By elite and disconnected crew,

whose lust for power is never sated.

Around me I see my contemporaries fall and die,

in my mirror I see a face so old and grey.

So much still to live and do, is my daily sigh.

So much a life that I have lived, so many others say,

yet if look back, regret and failures I can see.

My children I have not kept alive and free from pain.

They are such wonderful people, not much due to me.

I have had pleasure and success, but they fade like yesterday's rain.

That drain that sucks in all human endeavour,

time, takes the best and worst we can offer,

leaving just our last breaths to sever,

from the life we cling to, as a miser to his coffer.

Words we write and words we speak,

go down the drain of life, just as also do,

the cigars we smoke and whisky we drink,

Takes genius, Shakespeare and Yeats to name just two.

To last beyond our dying gasp.

Do we hope to return?

Or dread, redoing all again to last?

Oh I will I ever learn?

Will I be free from life, or will I teach,

that others, newer, souls do not yearn?

To help brighter stars get past the devils reach.

The joys of this flesh, fade with remorseless speed,

younger bodies these pleasures felt,

now all that is left is a broken reed.

As butter left in heat just to melt.

A writers need for solitude, hangs heavy,

on those with more urgent need.

Attention for each passing hour, is their bevvy.

Amusement now is their creed.

A frail poet's strangled words, take too long.

Meanings slightly hidden in the text,

unsuited for instant hit pop song.

Yet words on a page, left for those who come next.

Have more to say than some can see,

those who blindly follow fame never ration,

this a blessing that we hope will be.

Frivolous shallow, mindless fashion,

surplus to all life’s' reason can see.

Have I wasted all those years?

Have all my decisions been badly made?

Is my total just futile tears?

What I have left of life will fade,

what will remain to show my time?

Words on paper, thoughts articulated.

Just these sad attempts to rhyme.

Will spirit live on or be sated?

Those half remembered times of my youth,

when life was free and now seem easy.

At the time behaviour so uncouth,

motor cycles and bars so sleazy,

work and play in equal measure

natural code of an age gone by,

work for pay and pay for pleasure,

no limits on what we could try.

Responsibilities crept up, and curbed wild strain,

Love of wife and children three,

so commuting and the daily train,

these were what then measured me.

All worth while at that time.

Life changes and moves along,

years do pass and pathways split.

No blame and no cause for song,

just new fires that are lit.

I have loved with passion strong,

been loved, I hope, with equal fervour,

time passes and others claim things were wrong.

I only know what was real then, went further.

Now life is constrained by rules and laws,

We must not speak as we find,

Thuggery and theft not get punishment and sores

Yet can be jailed for words, deemed unkind.

Saying we did wrong when life was different,

assumes life then was just as present day.

What is right or wrong depends on messages sent,

in the past things were done a different way.

Do not judge what you can not know,

basic law of human kind,

you always reap what you do sow.

Be too hasty in judging and you will find,

what you reap at harvest time,

is karma piled up out of sight.

Beyond my poor wit to rhyme,

you will fail despite your might.

How we lived and what we did,

based on the mores of our age,

you think you can just remove the lid,

and be given wisdom of a sage.

Wisdom demands a deeper study,

experience is the only teacher.

View from afar and all is muddy,

live it, pain and all, become so meeker.

What do we know of starvations curse?

those today, who miss one meal,

think of screaming for a nurse,

and pontificate with zeal.

On hunger's dreadful toll.

They think walking in the rain,

is being tortured to their soul.

Rant and rave about their pain.

When dark death walked hand in hand,

with fair life, and future was so bleak.

We learned what it was to understand,

and to take such care if threats did speak.

Sky’s filled with deadly bombs,

underground shelters in darkness bound,

braver men than I did respond.

To fight an enemy who thought their right was sound.

Brave men and women too, on both sides of the war,

all led by visions and banners proud.

Who was right and who wrong saw,

all ended up in dirty shroud.

History does not bring clearer sight,

used to said written by the victors,

now it is written by those with might.

And these have own agendas.

Science used to mean the search for truth absolute,

now its aim is to please the funding stream.

Bureaucrats rule the lab, with main eye on the loot,

So not all studies are what they seem.

Media distortion, bent by advertising revenue,

add to the fog and misleading comment

aided by politicians of every hue.

What ever actual science meant.

In war truth is the victim first,

as enemies must be confused.

But now our peace is worse

Power and cash and lies all fused.

Stupidity and ignorance rule,

fake and celebrity lead the way,

TV is just a business tool.

Blacken truth, deny it a say.

Lies prevail and profits make,

privilege, through wealth is the aim,

does not matter what is fake.

For the poor it is always the same.

Ancient ruling sages did cast the die,

feed the bellies and starve the minds.

Knowledge is power, so hold to the lie,

give them food and close our lines.

Let ignorance rule the masses,

teach them not to think.

Qualify them all, as asses,

as if they focus hard, we sink.

Look back on school days hard,

when stupidity was a crime,

discipline and effort marked your card.

Now equality without effort, is the prime.

Every human needs to strive,

lazy mind to trouble led.

Escape this, so we all survive.

It is not enough, just to be fed.

To say no one must loose,

condemns whole classes to the heap.

Thinking celebrity is what to choose.

This is why real education is not cheap.

Start with instillation of work, as a notion.

Let every child know all must strive hard.

Rise above bitter failures emotion.

No matter where they are from, or why,

value is in trying hard, not easy fake success.

Be it brawn or brain what you have, is what you try

All have a part to right this mess.

The poor planet is weighed right down,

too many people add to Gaia,

reduce the burden lest we all do drown.

Every mind worth its warm fire.

Too many and only the elite will blossom

better have fewer and all fulfilled

as things are so many just flotsam

or cannon fodder being drilled

When I was young I did not think about age.

I doubt many expected me to live so long,

daredevil or fool I was never in a cage.

I can not sing but risk was my song.

Now I am old I get so low,

no control of my life or time,

now there are no wild oats to sow.

Leaves such a taste as bitter lime.

No money means no selection,

and needs of others take the hours,

their happiness needs such protection.

Creativity fails like long dead flowers.

I have drank from both full cups,

happiness and deep sorrow.

Frisked around like lively pups,

and wished for no more morrows.

The list of things that I should do,

the accounts that I need to pay,

just get longer, and bigger to.

While income is less than they say.

What future is it that I face?

At times, so bleak and dismal dark,

then I view myself with distaste.

For I have known worse, yet risen as a lark.

May be that is an age taught lesson,

that all can be overcome.

If ever we learn from our previous session,

it is that darkness can be overrun.

Sit still and await the dawn,

fine thoughts if you're the only one.

When others depend for emotions corn,

This weighs down with many a ton.

Against responsibility with no control,

I have long silently railed.

Do it my way but its on your soul,

seems to be a frequent wail.

Why should I have to follow another path,

when I will receive all blame,

should we fail in our craft.

If I choose and fail its fair game,

but to follow others' wishes

then be whipped for failing at the fences.

is not fair even on fishes.

And it riles up all my senses.

When I was a child, out in sun and showers,

wild things grew, enchanting my mind

with beauty and ever changing flowers.

I could explore what ever I sought to find.

Now all is global and web wide,

yet children are tethered by fears, justly felt.

So for most its a only a virtual ride,

not the reality of running full pelt.

I try to use social media,

what ever that actually means.

People say it panders to the seedier,

aspects of life's many scenes.

Communication in no time,

and without much thought,

and never any rhyme.

Consideration counts for naught.

My moods and emotions change,

yet may be not all me to blame,

others also allow fears to range.

Not only me that has temper to tame.

We live and die with others views,

what is good and what is bad,

my own may not suite other muse.

Yet difference can cause to be sad.