Refill

When you were just a baby,

So innocent and sweet,

In a world full of hatred and pain,

I’d sit and watch you sleep.

With one hand I’d rub my finger across your cheek,

And with the other I’d wipe away the tears rolling down mine.

Each eye crying for different reasons.

One crying because of sadness and the other because of joy.

You see it saddens me to know that one day your belly aches will become heart aches,

But just as my finger reaches your jawline you crack a smile,

And all the sad thoughts fade away.

But the tears they fall a little quicker because not a single soul knows yet the roll you played in saving me.

You see it went a little something like this…

I graduated high school in May, lost my daddy in July and found out I was 9 weeks pregnant with you in September.

Every night from July 18th to September 25th I was either throwing back shots of NyQuil or popping Tylenol PMs,

Anything to keep the nightmares away.

-July 18th 2012, 2:00 am

When I got to his unconscious body he was still warm to the touch and that give me just a glimpse of hope.

I moved a little closer and that hope quickly faded and my screams went silent,

I had stepped in a puddle of urine and in that moment I knew my life had just changed forever.

You see that night I lost my best friend, the beat to my heart, the rhythm to my music, truly the world’s greatest dad.

September 25th, 2012 9 pm

I found out I was with child and I haven’t touched a bottle of NyQuil or Tylenol pms since

May 2nd, 2013 9:15 pm

God sent you to save me and save me you did.

That revelation wasn’t immediately obvious but when that doctor places you in my arms, my life had a whole new purpose.

My heart swelled, and began to beat with meaning again, my dads favorite song, can I get a refill, began playing in my head and in that moment I realized you were sent to refill the emptiness I had been feeling for months.

You were done my best friend, the beat to my heart, the rhythm to my music and the worlds tiniest hero.

I pray every night to be as good of a parent to you as my daddy was to me.