Red

i hope you'll believe me when i say

i never wanted to use you against yourself

but you were the first line of deep ash

from a forest fire in the midst of the bluest winter

no amount of water from earth could extinguish

so every time you forced an empty tear onto my shirt

i saved it-

thinking if i collected enough of your lies

maybe i could put you out.

but before then

i would let them mold themselves to encase my lungs

with every cigarette we shared

with every voided word that dripped from your lips

i fell in love with you at 1am in your parents driveway

and to this day i don't believe a that word anyone says.

you played those tears as salesmen

selling me your every move

and i went bankrupt just trying to figure you out.

i quit my job because you wanted more time alone with me

after all, how could you manipulate me if i wasn't around

i moved out because you said my parents didn't like you

now they don't like me either

when we fought i was the only one on my knees

half the time i wasn't sure what i was begging for

i stopped talking to my friends because they didn't like you either

i never questioned why the only person who loved you was me

i just loved you harder

i let you burn dinner every night

because you loved the smell of things being ruined

i was never angry when you tossed the flowers i picked for you

i'll pick you more tomorrow

i let you drive my car off a fucking cliff

because i loved the way you held the steering wheel

but more importantly

i ignored the red flags

because red was your favorite color

i thought they were there to remind me of you.