Reasons I'm Not Honest With You

i’ve never been truthful to you

i will repeat that again

i’ve never been truthful to you

we’ve known each other for quite some time

trust me, whenever they ask how we know each other—

i tell em’ we go way back

way back

like

the cosby show back

like

the i love lucy back

all the while we’ve known each other

i never been honest

at least not completely

i never felt comfortable being myself around you

like, you would always turn me away

call me lame

call me stupider than a mule

stubborn rather

you could hit me with triple h’s sledgehammer

and still say that i didn’t budge

your criticisms about my nappy, untamed hair

my long, wide nose and my big brown lips

you would always call me duckface when i was little

if you always insulted me based on my appearance

then what the heck would make you think that i’d

tell you anything else that’s personal

i don’t tell you about my social anxiety

“oh, retards only get anxiety”

i don’t tell you about my suicidal thoughts

“you’re psychotic for thinking about claiming your own life, come on PSYCHO”

i don’t tell you about my sessions with the counselor

“only white people go to counseling”

and i damn sure as hell don’t tell you

about any of my writings

“dUdEs iN tHe hOod dOn’t read tHese dAys”

i get so sick of your cynicism

it’s like there’s a leech sucking the blood out of you

every time your inner pessimist kicks in

i just wanna dropkick the ligma out of you every time

you make fun of those with autism

i can’t even bring women around

without you teasing me in front of them

no wonder i’ve had so many failed relationships

and women who threatened to expose the three of us

yes, you too stupid

despite all the years that have passed by

we still don’t see each other as often

least not eye to eye anyway

i still don’t want to be honest with you

i’m sure that you still hold onto your insensitivities

so i wanted to ask you:

give me one good reason to start being honest with you.