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Real

What an odd concept

I said something real once.


I said something real once, 

And people liked it. 


I said something real once, 

And people liked it, 

And that scares the shit out of me.


I wrote because I was terrified

Of everything at once

And I had to lay down all the things

I thought I couldn't say

I wrote because I felt unique

I wrote what was predictable

I wrote with indignation

Tempered heavily with shame


Now I've moved on, but I haven't learned

Growing sideways, curved

Around the obstacles to reach for light

That's at a rainbow's end

Answering my questions with a

Maybe, someday, it depends


Borrowing my time and living on it

Keeping thoughts far from my wallet

The panic is gone but it's unprecedented

There's been no solution, the feeling's just spent

So it's crawled back to hide while I bide my moments

Dragging my carcass through sunlight and storms,

Counting the beats where I'm outside my doors

As the only ones where my heartbeat truly roars


Soon I'll run out of audible beats

First in spurts, then completely

I am in stasis

And when I'm in stasis

I lay back and let cabin fever eat me


I have a new landing pad now

The door shuts just fine

It's got oatmeal, a kettle, and books,

And it looks like it's mine

And sometimes, when I first walk in,

It smells like something died

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Real
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