Raw Heavy

Momentarily waiting her to forgive me before I can forgive myself. In twenty minutes, again, we will be next to each other. Loving my sister, hating my sister & worrying how time will not hand me space. For the sake of a happy ending the shadows on the ground are distancing. When I do not recognize her, my soul sinks. When I do not understand the words, I leave. Looking forward to New York is something I would rather focus on. Tell me how to accept acceptance. Show me. Out the window there are animals and blocks of concrete, it is blue and white and mustard orange and grey and black. It is not raw. Raw are my flaws clashing with yours. Displaced words like my displaced jaw creating insecurity and beauty. Looking at you and her. Looking. Craving to control time. Adding periods to parallel your flashbacks. I can apologize for hurting you. I cannot apologize for my distortion. Goodnight.