Rambling

Peeled back it's nothing more than a lost infantile seething scratching yearning for a breath of fresh air

wanting for something that isn't there

something that isn't real or not understood by it wants that a feeling a place a moment of peace stars lined up figuratively and literally

messy hair pleases it it wants chaos it likes not caring so much not giving a thought to the little things like so many others do

it helps it maintain itself being aloof and carefree not all the time but most of the time it does not like time being constrained by made up things

it is older than time literally older than clocks and feels nostalgic for those good old days

but if it had a chance it wouldn't be happy there either that's the thing it knows that it won't be happy anywhere

that's where others draw the line in the sand that realization that they will never be happy

it causes them pain and they can't handle pain

mine can handle pain it has for a long time but sometimes I wonder if it handles pain so well because it hasn't figured out why it hurts yet

why does it hurt when nothing is hurting it why does it yearn when it has everything why is being content such a foreign concept for it

what would I be without it

where would I be without it maybe I too would be happy just living day to day not wondering what is ahead of me or what came before each step I take

wouldn't that be nice

living a soulless life

so many people do as is evident now it's all too clear who and who does not have one and those who hold onto theirs know what it means to rally to pull up their boot straps and blood stained slacks and get into the trenches and they dig and dig and dig and fight and fight and fight and then what

a weaker non-intelligent soulless mule wins and the others just keep on rallying

there is a definite battle of good vs evil and in this day today and others that have passed recently and others that are coming so quickly I wish I could stop time for just a minute evil is winning but that is just for now because this battle never ends and those people who deep down and peeled back have a soul will still fight and one day they will win just as quickly as they have lost

as for mine I can't control its impulses and just let it do whatever it wants it runs my life until of course I can denounce it just shut it out and stop feeling but I think that is how so much evil can seep into the fabric of society it's better to keep it and deal with the pain of living with it I think it was Buddha that said suffering is living and if the Buddha said it it must be true who am I I am nobody I can suffer a little who cares