Queen Z The Poet

Imagine Me…

What if I told you the confident girl you see before your eyes was truly an insecure little girl on the inside. What if I told you that beautiful smile was nothing more than lies. What if I said every time you see these brown eyes light up and sparkle, that that sparkle was nothing more than unshed tears.

Could you then Imagine Me?

What if You saw me and thought wow she’s beautiful but in reality the girl you see is broken and abused. If I told you all the pain and hurt are hidden behind mirth filled dark brown eyes.

Could you then Imagine Me?

What if I told you my story and every word was unbelievably true and every unseen scare hurt more than you knew. What if I told you all the lies that have carried me through have helped build these elaborate walls. Would you break them down just so you could say, you Imagine Me?

What could I do to keep you from laughing, what could I do to keep you from judging once you finally knew the real me? What if I told you on the inside, I was nothing more than battered and shattered. Used and loathed in such a way that clearly all of this is nothing more than self destruction. What if I laid my shattered soul at your feet and told you like I told God it was my only offering.

Could you then finally imagine Me?

What if the Queen you see was wearing a fake crown one could only purchase at a costume store. Could you understand that she lost her real one so long ago. That in a false attempt at normalcy she threw it away.

Maybe then you could imagine Me?

What if I told you I’d played the harlot and the addict and neither part quite fit me. Would it truly then be a fallacy to imagine me. What if I shared my silent tears and how like salt on an open wound they burn and touchier me.

Could you then just a little bit Imagine Me?

If I told you all the times I’ve had to pick up my broken pieces, all alone and at the same time try to put them back together again. If I explained the mosaic I’ve become from all the pain and all the missing but somehow still beautiful pieces of me have finally become a picture I can see.

I think you could actually Imagine Me.

IF this world only knew how it tried to tame this untamable shrew.

It might actually begin to imagine Me.

The Queen I am is the Queen I was and as I take my throne and replace my crown with one made of thorns. I hope and pray that one day you will imagine me. As the me I’ve always been. Not the broken life left in the gutter to die, but the women that climbed out and became better. The one I always imagined I’d be.

Then Finally You Will Imagine Me.

Whats A Queen To Do

What’s A Queen To Do …

She should know by now to keep her mouth shut.

To hide her true ambitions, yet following her heart seems to be the only way she can ever think straight.

So she writes out her feelings and hopes for better days as she intimidates and scares away all that dare to step up to the plate.

She thought he was different had hoped he was it. Hoped that she could have just a little bit of fun.

For you see she’s not one to push and definitely not one to goad, but come on what’s a Queen to do when she wants a little fun.

She wasn’t asking him to be the one, or to put a rock on her finger.

She just wanted him to test the waters.

See if what she saw in him was real and true.

She knows being herself is more than a burden when she’s surrounded by men who can barely stand her presence.

They enchant her and then walk away.

So tell me then Oh wise ones, what’s a queen to do when her heart is played more times than a Nintendo game.

They of course call her Queen yet do not understand that she needs a King.

Not a court jester just looking for five minutes in the glow of his Queens glory. What’s a Queen to do when she realizes maybe no one will ever be worthy of her? It’s objectification after objectification in hopes of gaining her attention.

Then once given they squander it on petty notions and false promises.

They waste that Queen's time with ambiguous thoughts in hopes of sparking her true interest.

So what happens when she lowers her standards only to still be let down and what does it mean when she’s drowning in silent tears.

What is the meaning of love if it always leads to heart break, and why do fools trip down that road time and time again.

What makes the insanity worth wild, what makes love become its own kind of drug, the worse kind of addiction.

And then again what’s a Queen to do when she’s tripped down that lane one too many times and found herself face down and buried in the sand.

Because some Jerk decided it was worth while to watch her fall, and not catch her. Make her believe in things that were never real.

She’s often done this, and found it's been done by others one too many times. She believed in pretty words and thoughts of grandeur when in all reality they were nothing more than fallacy.

The queen is good at playing this game and staying indifferent to keep the façade of nonchalance.

Yet it constantly gets harder.

So why when she knows her true self does she still revert back to Ashley McDoogle. Why does she constantly do things she knows she hates.

All in a vain attempt at finding something real, like chase after guys, when a Queen doesn’t do that.

Make plays when she knows that’s not what she’s here for.

What is the definition of insanity if not this?

So what does it mean if at the end of it all she has to reign alone.

What can a Queen do when she finds out, the throne next to her may just remain empty.

What then, when she realizes the fantasy she believed in was nothing more than fallacy?