Portraits

You told me I paint portraits in my mind.

Too concerned with the future of "what ifs."

I couldn't just enjoy the present.

They say it's a gift-

To find the one you love at such a young age.

How could I be so afraid? —

When your touch felt like electricity and

Every time you'd look at me,

I could enjoy the present.

They say it's a gift

To find the one who you can look at

And see an ocean and a storm —

Both chaos and calm.

How could I be afraid? —

When I painted this mask on my face

To keep away the future of "what ifs."

Because I was afraid.

You told me I paint portraits in my mind.

And overtime I have come to realize,

Stone face and misty eyed,

Paintbrush rinsed by my tears.

I manifested all of these fears,

And for this — I am sorry.