Poetry for Love Unrequited

To Proserpine

To my dearest Proserpine,

Queen who rules over my hell.

The cause of my endless strife.

The struggle between my sickeningly sweet torment

And my bittersweet Delusion tears me in two.

To my dearest Proserpine,

At a crossroad, I am rooted.

Do I take the rose gardens path

Laden with the thorny vines of love unrequited?

The hopes of just one moment more

And the goal of forever in the arms of my goddess Proserpine.

Or shall I take the barren path of tomorrow

And dive headfirst over the jagged cliff of destiny,

Falling endlessly into the oblivion:

The abyss of choice and chance

Delivering me to the ever resolute fate-

She waits ever patiently for my trust-

And yet why do I find myself in hesitation?

To my dearest Proserpine,

Why must you draw me in to cast me aside?

She bewitches me with her siren's lament!

Her smile's radiance lowers my defenses,

While her lilting laugh serves the final strike

And I fall even deeper into my affection for her.

To my dearest Proserpine,

Goddess so cruel.

Please have mercy, my dear,

And release me from you!

In A Perfect World...

To the you that I love,

In a perfect world, I wouldn't be afraid to love.

Not you nor anyone... I wouldn't have been hurt to the extreme and maybe, just maybe, you'd belong with me.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't feel so numb...

I'd be able to know what love is again and not just an endless, existential numbness. I would feel the warmth I used to know. I wouldn't feel like an audience member to my own life like it doesn't pertain to me and...

I'd love you...

I'd love you without this soul-crushing anxiety or relentless depression. I wouldn't stumble over my words because I can't handle talking to someone else. I wouldn't tailor everything I say and do to suit the crowd I'm with just because I'm afraid of being hated, especially by you...

In a perfect world, I'd tell you exactly how I felt.

I'd tell you how you've meant the world to me since we first met. How your sweetness is what I love the most about you. How when everyone else thought you looked like a girl- with your long, curly hair—I thought you were the most attractive guy there. I love you for your smarts and your geekiness and how your dimples would show when you smiled. I'd tell you how I miss sitting near you in class and how we'd help each other out and how I even miss the teasing from the kids who saw us hanging out. I'd tell you how I longed to be the one you'd never want to be without and how even after all this time you're all I think about.

In a perfect world, you wouldn't have been the one that got away.

Though even now I know there isn't much to stop me from telling you. I wish that I'd find the guts to let you know I'm still in love with you. I wish I would have told you back then that I was in love with you; even though it was my friend you crushed on I would have been rejected and moved on from you. You see, I never got the closure so I still hang onto hope that one day I could be with you. I always wonder could I ever be enough for you or why I ever wasn't. I still wonder if I'll only ever be "Friend B" to you- just another tool to use to get closer to another. And I know its probably crazy that I haven't moved on after all of these years. Yeah... Maybe I'd be happier if I could just move on... But how could I ever begin to forget my first love...

In a perfect world...

That's where I wish you and I could be... Thriving together in that perfect world...

Your Childhood Best Friend,

Dorky Little Me,

The one who loves you a.k.a "Friend B"