Poem

Here is a poem i wrote trying to explain how I felt this may trigger some so be aware I hope you enjoy.

I can't do this anymore I'm being eating from inside it swallowing me up I am fading but invisibly you can't see my tears or hear my cries only see the mistake I am please let me erase my self for all I want to is die or at least not lie when I say I'm okay. I'm angry not at you but at the world because I'm trapped like a bird in a cage who wants to fly high. You blame me I understand I am blamable I create arguments and I'm in the way or people's lives sorry. This is not my fault how I feel I'm sorry my heads lose with bolts and screws falling off the hell in my head is hailing, sometimes it's gone for a day or at least seeking me whilst I hide you may see me slowing recovering or at least I'm better at hiding it. Sometimes I hold my breath hoping I will suffocate myself but then I get too weak and gasp for air or shallow my self underwater and close my eyes and count till I can't breathe. Then I think of my family the loved ones I would selfish to just leave them. Then I come up for fresh toxic air and cry because of how stupid I am and bury my self in my hands and think of how much pain I cause then slope back. I just say I'm fine but really isn't the truth I say I'm fine because I don't wanna be a burden and worry people because its one of my fears. So it's easier to say I'm fine. And then to hold the weight of the world of my shoulders I can do it if that's what you want me to do but it only human and legs weaken from running away from my demons and then I collapse in to a pit, of self-worth and I am demolished into something words can't describe, not myself I'm transformed into a ghost a shadow. an unwanted presence.