Please Just Go

I spend too many nights

Tossing and turning

Fighting the

Pain and fear,

Anxiety and depression

That has come to me.

I have to forget,

All of it.

Not only do I have to ignore the bad

I have to block out the good

Any memory I have of you has to be put in a box to hide away

Remembering makes every nerve ache,

Twisting, knotting with pain.

I don’t want to forget,

But what is living when all your memories knock you to the ground with pain?

That’s a funny thought living,

I didn’t think I could live my life without you in it,

That I would spend forever admiring you.

Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?

But things changed,

I changed,

I realized you’d never change.

You’ve been stuck in autopilot for way too long.

You’re just going through the motions

Faking it somehow

You held me back from being half the girl I…

Ow.

It’s hurting again.

Let’s turn off the memories,

Dissolve them in lemonade.

I can’t keep living a lie,

Panicking with every ring of the telephone

Praying it's anyone other than you telling me once again

My ideas are stupid,

All my choices are wrong.

Wait, how do you know it’s not a good idea?

How do you know it will make me miserable,

Or that I’ll regret it?

You don’t know me well enough to make these calls for me

I’m done with all this,

I can’t keep up the panic,

Bye