Paralyzed

I will always feel numb, when will the day come? When I can finally feel again or am able to regain, happiness and sorrow instead of being in a dark borrow... It's dusty, scary and cold, what more can I hold, maybe some love or maybe to be free like a dove? I no longer even feel should I make the deal? To feel my own heart beat and grass beneath my very feet! feel the sensation of joy, not to just be a lifeless toy... to be able to live feeling more inside of me not just an empty, rotting core. Living in constant fear and ache and everyday I get closer to my break. Am I really just a bag of human waste, just bones that long the pure and sweet taste. of someone's skin or even a hand? or the pouring of sand? Will I always feel paralyzed?