Paradigm Shift

things look so different in different light, a new season, change the song. and the smell of rain and 50 degrees makes everything feel a bit healthier, less stagnant. and voicing a decision takes a weight off. free shoulders and new waves and realizing something you knew about yourself was wrong, has been wrong for years, and you aren't the person you met, or the one that you meant to be. all under grey skies, heavy cloud cover and a bit of spring warmth and an old habit back and biting. being someone else who might actually be you and not just an invention. and trying to figure out how to break it to everyone. i am not who you thought i was - i am not who you knew. it's been slowly creeping into my brain that something was a fabrication, and for weeks i have felt like i have been waiting, and i thought it was for nothing until i made an excuse for myself and it turned out to be the truth. and i knew i had to come here to digest it, the place where i have been swallowing fabricated selves for two and a half years, and the sky knew too, because it sent out the clouds to hide me while i did it.

i don't ever want to make myself up again.