Painkillers at the Dinner Table

Painkillers at the dinner table

Vicodin

My creepy touchy uncle

That I can only see once or twice a year

But when I do

It’s like clockwork

Every 4 hours

He tells me to

Crush it up in my orange juice

Shut down my sympathetic nervous system

No more fight or flight

Painkillers at the dinner table

Valium

My favorite cousin

It’s okay to have as many as I want

Because they look like powder pink m&ms

Which means they can’t hurt me

That much

Painkillers at the dinner table

Cyclobenzaprine is my oldest grandmother

Toss two back

As she tucks me into bed every night

Helping my limbs sink into the mattress

Whispering paralyzing thoughts into my ear

Painkillers at the dinner table

Tramadol

Is my step dad

The generic version of the

Parent I do like

A fat blue capsule

A petty imitation of what I really want

Which is

Hydrocodone

My absent mother

That throws me a 20 whenever I ask

A thin white body

That slips down my throat like ice

Sends shock waves through my body

The rattling of the bottle makes my mouth drool with delight

She is my savior

My greatest pleasure

And the reason for my disappearance

The dinner party

Thrown by none other

Than respected

Medical professionals

With prescription pads in their pockets

Like it’s a fucking potluck

But they don’t like to cook

So they order in

Little orange bottles

And they pass me the courses

Oxycontin

Percocet

Codeine

Dilaudid

Morphine

Painkillers at the dinner table

I am at the head of the feast

It’s thanksgiving

And I came with an empty stomach

And an insatiable hunger

For something only served

By every major pharmacy

Within spitting distance

Look through our window

Into our dining room

And all you would see

Is empty seats

And me

With

A fork

A knife

And my refillable plate of pills