Orange

When I was 14 I met him

Not quite as tall back then

But I was just the same as now

He had curly brown hair that he slicked into place

I thought he was funny

I wanted to be his friend more than anything

He spent the first two weeks of knowing me trying to run away from me

Because I tried to hug him as a joke

He ran so far that I had to convince him to be my friend

Maybe I shouldn't have tried

God I wish I just left

I was 14 when I met my best friend

First time I gave that label since her

It was strong

It was good

I was fifteen when he dated someone I warned him about

We fought many times because of that

He got angry so many times

But I forgave

Because I forgive my best friend

I lost him again and again

And I forgave and forgave

I was sixteen when he told me we couldn’t be friends anymore

His girlfriend didn’t like me

I was too close to my best friend

He came back

And I forgave

I forgave

Because I forgive

I was seventeen

I was heartbroken

I was lost and weak and scared

My best friend asked me for sex

And I caved

He called me beautiful and sexy and gorgeous

He brought me ice cream

He treated me like a prince

I was so weak

He wasn’t single

He lied about being single

She was my friend

He was my best friend

I lost him because I lost control

It was my fault

It was wasn’t it?

He sent me an apology

And I want so hard to forgive

Because I forgive

I forgive and forgive

But he broke me

I want to forgive

Because I forgive

And I know that I shouldn’t

But he doesn’t love me

He never loved me

He never cared

He’s done

Why can’t I be?