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October Pains

I don’t want to be yours anymore.

@gillian_1234 on Instagram by @sienadini

i don’t want to be yours anymore

i feel you knocking at my windowpane

drawing circles in the cold

i feel your warmth through the glass

but somehow i’m still frozen

would you complete me if i asked?

or would you laugh at my heart in my hands?

i’m offering it to you

i was always offering it to you

i don’t want to be yours anymore

i don’t want the cracks in my chest

letting icy rain in

i can’t stand how the stars always point me back to you

how my tears beg to be kissed away by you

if this is how i die

slowly and horribly

yours, eternally

just know

that i don’t want to be yours anymore

x

i hate having dreams about you

poisoned visions of a life i could have had

if i had stayed

if i had loved

so i’m stuck screaming and begging and calling out to the unknown beings in the sky

for another chance

for one more smile

one more touch

i can’t take the longing in my skin anymore

i’m so close to losing it all

i hate writing poems about you

wasting my hurting mind on sweet words

i feel my heart beating nothing but love for you

and my lungs shrink

and i can’t be who i’ve become or who i was

because they’re both embraced by memories of you

Read next: Saint Carol
Siena Dini
Siena Dini

Hi friends! I write poetry, short fiction stories, essays, and hopefully will start some entries about things I am passionate about! Thanks for reading- it means so much!

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October Pains
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Saint Carol