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Now Are You Feeling What I'm Feeling?

This poem is a time-lapse of a relationship, from the beginning thoughts to the end.

My Own Drawing I Did Back in 2013

Am I just a splodge of colour
in a monochrome universe?
Or am I the darkness that kills
and makes it all worse?
If I had really let you, I thought
you'd just try to get rid of me.
Fit me in a box because you'd
want me how you want me.

Now I'm cold and alone in
my room again tonight.
Don't you see, to talk is too much
and to live is to fight?
And to live like me is only 
to live fighting shame.
Pushed away all my feelings
because there's nothing to gain.

So breathless, I'm breathing.
So restless, I'm leaving.
So careless and deceiving.
I can't feel any feeling.

Look what you've done.
You've just taken my heart.
I guess it was all nothing.
Nothing but denial at the start.
You make me feel something
look in my eyes, you'll see.
Am I in love because you're
unbelievable in all honesty.

Your heart just spilt into my life.
We both were used in the past
but we got together at your worst 
so why can't we make this last?
You say you don’t know.
You're not the only one scared.
You say everyone leaves.
You trying to get me prepared? 

Looking at you, I see home.
Tell me how life's a mess.
On your bed, we would talk for hours.
So deep, the things we'd confess.
Yet what shocked me the most
was how you never changed me.
You accepted my madness 
and just let me be. 

But time goes on
and I feel it slipping away.
I wanted more memories but
you don't care in that way.
Can we put a picture of us up?
My interests are never heard. Right.
Why can't we do something for me?
I just kind of feel left out tonight. 

So breathless, I'm breathing.
So restless, I'm leaving.
So careless it's deceiving.
What am I even feeling?


Now I'm just hurting.
Only wanted you to know.
How else do you stop arguing?
Don't want you to just go.



There's mess on the skin
and too much weight to the bone.
Sitting here wanting you.
I am sitting here all alone.
It was you I tried for
when I couldn't even breathe in.
You helped me through because
you're the only one I believed in.

So breathless, I'm breathing.
You hold me tight
So restless, I'm leaving.
whispering "we'll be alright"…
So careless it's deceiving.
"I love you, goodnight"
But do you know the pain I'm feeling?

Hey, why is it that now you 
barely want to look me in the eye?
As I curl up in your bed, 
I beg god that I don’t cry.
But these stupid tears,
they come and don’t go.
Making another patch of 
sadness on your pillow...


So breathless, we're sinking.
We undone the tie. 
So restless, we're leaving.
Saying "We can't keep hurting each other Ky."
So careless, I'm bleeding.
"I love you, goodbye."
What am I to do with what I'm feeling?

Yet what we had was so incredible too,
there just isn't the words to explain.
We messed it all up now
but when I see you, I still see a flame.
You say you aren't ready.
You guess you need time. 
You know I'd wait forever but
do you even one day want to be mine? 

Now I hit the bottom.
life's not just taken you it's taking everything.
One by one, like well,
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
where are you now that 
I'm the one on the ground? 
You need to do you
so I'm trying not to make a sound.  

So breathless, not breathing.
I know I can't have you, can I?
Soon homeless, so leaving.
Saying "Please just let me die"
So useless at believing.
But I still love you, no lie.
Now are you feeling what I'm feeling?


Read next: Juice
Kyran Kidcaff
Kyran Kidcaff

I have so much on my mind, I am constantly writing things down. Sometimes it's poems or lyrics and sometimes it's just real talks. But no matter what it is, it's always deep or funny. I always try and keep it pure and honest. 

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