Not Poetic

I'm broken after you left.

I'm not broken over losing you.

Let's not get this twisted.

Let me make that brutally clear.

I'm broken over the years with you.

The years I spent;

Breaking myself down for you, slowly losing who I was, so I could be who you wanted me to be.

Holding myself accountable for things you said were my fault, that weren't my fault, but yelled loud enough to silence my inner voice to convince it that it everything wrong was my fault.

Months upon months of trembling finger tips, panic attacks, and feeling myself slip away.

Your finger pointed, screaming at me even, that I'm the problem. Somehow, the neglect was my fault, and that the only way of showing love to you was through sexual relations that you didn't deserve.

Now, I'm not without fault, I'll be honest, the past year of losing myself, I messed up. I went against my morals to try to keep you happy by staying. Because you see I still care.

I went against my morals to try to keep myself happy from unfixable depression. Cause I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I was numb, I was having panic attacks, I was trying to fix it even though you screamed that I wasn't.

You wanted to work through that issue but we couldn't even work through the current issues.

This is just ramblings not really poetic.

The past few years have been hell... then the past year was worse but I'm trying to do better.

Learn from your past and mistakes don't dwell.