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Not Good Enough

Prose #1

By J RosePublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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Not good enough. Those are the words that loop in her head as she sits in a room that has now turned bleak. There is no sound other than the quiver of her lips and her piercing sobs as she cries. Her throat has gone dry and her chest has filled with pain that it stifles each breath she takes.

“Not Good Enough”

These are the words that circle her head. The way they always have from the moment she was born.

“Not good enough to love”

“Not good enough to live”

“Not good enough to die.”

Rejection feels like a friend more than an enemy. Her mind lingers in the memories of being left behind while her soul sinks deeper into an abyss of darkness.

“Love was not meant for me,” She thinks. But the pain of being left alone, of being forgotten, of never having anyone to support her allows the void in her heart to grow.

She wishes to hide deep within herself; the way she always has. This is her survival. This is her protection. The only way she has ever lived. When she was abandoned as a child she would weep in the night. Like a wolf, she would howl to the moon in pain. The stars, her audience, and companions. Her hands would reach out to touch the night sky, only to come back empty.

There were days of hate, days of tears, days of lingering pain that dragged her down to nothing.

“I am nothing.” She whispers.

This is the way she lives. The way she has always been and when that person she cared about and loved walked away from her as a child she could not understand.

Was it her? Was it not? Rejection tastes bitter. The bile that has risen to her throat can only drown her voice out as she cries. She has not seen this person for the past fifteen years. She was five when he walked away and though she loved that person so much their rejection awoke her hatred of him and self-loathe of herself.

“He is dead,” They tell her. These words feel so empty and yet her body and her mind have clashed together and with it all emotions suppressed. While she has struggled within herself to fight this self-loathe and fight her own rejection it occurs to her now that all these years of hate and anguish have all been for nothing.

“Not Good Enough”

It takes her days, weeks, years down the line when her pain is but a small prick in her heart to remind her that these words were unfair. A small hand takes her own and as she looks at her child she smiles at the love received and realizes it was he that was never good enough.

sad poetry
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About the Creator

J Rose

Just someone trying to live.

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