Not Enough...

I've been doing a lot of thinking and I know that I'm hard on myself.

I'm really trying to do better with my life, but I'm struggling.

Seems like I'm not doing anything right.

Or I'm not doing enough.

I can't win for losing.

I let a lot of things slide by, put up with a lot of things that I normally wouldn't do, and its as if, I haven't done anything at all.

I try to be a good mom.

An understanding mom.

I encourage their interests, I try to teach them new things, and I'm honest about everything with them.

I try to prepare them for the world.

Yet, I feel like its not enough.

I feel like I'm not doing enough.

In my 11 years of marriage, I tried to be a good wife.

Even when I got slapped in the face with the infidelity, I stayed.

Even when I felt like I wasn't getting any support, but more letdowns.

I tried to communicate, yet I often get my words twisted up.

I'm not saying that I am perfect, but hearing:

"There are times when I don't like you."

I can't see of any time that I have done wrong.

Is it because I'm headstrong?

Is it because I'm not submissive?

Is it because I am the way that I am?

I supported every failing and unachieved dream,

Even when I disagreed with it or thought it was outright stupid.

Nothing is ever enough.

I keep putting on a band-aid.

I'm broken and I don't know how to heal myself.

It's not easy as "just do it!"

I've tried.

I can't do it.

I've cried many rivers to cleanse myself.

To start over.

Yet, the cycle repeats.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I don't know where it went wrong.

I don't know anything.

I just know that it's not enough.

It's never enough.

Thanks for reading my post. I greatly appreciate it. If you leave a tip, I'm appreciative of that as well.