Have I been blind,
For all this time?
Kept from the world,
Behind safe Bible lines.
“The world will lead you astray,”
But I was falling from faith
Long before I
Gave up the race.
I felt like a gerbil
Running a wheel in circles
I never understood
Why I felt so horrible.
“Give it all to God,”
But what have I got?
Getting more questions than answers
More bad days than not.
I was told in school,
That my sadness was sin.
That I was too full of bitterness,
To let the holy ghost in.
But I prayed endlessly
Tear-soaked cheeks and misery
Searching through the Word
Trying to find clarity.
I wanted to die
Because I didn’t feel alive.
Would the Lord forgive me,
If I didn’t want to fight?
Blade across the arms,
Thought I could bleed out the harm
At this unnamed demon
Who was tearing my soul apart.
My parents believed it was a play,
That I was an actor on a stage.
They scoffed at my pain,
Just slapped my tears away.
They said that “real life was pain”
But I thought if it was all the same,
I could end it now
And the demons would go away.
I found out later
That it was all a plot of lies
They could believe their delusions
But I was now untied.
I won’t be pulled back under
I’m tired of being the blunder
That was supposed to make their marriage work
But just tore it further.
One thing I learned
From that dark past underwater.
Is that the sun still rises
And I deserve to prosper.
Your feelings are valid,
You did not causes this
It’s depression, not sin
And you are not worthless.
About the Creator
CD Turner
I write stories and articles. Sometimes they're good.
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