My Inner Demons and My Broken Soul
#TreeTrunk
We’re just broken people
healing broken people
Monsters under my bed
Became monsters inside my head
eating away at my broken soul
The weight on your chest
The scream with no sound
The cry with no tears
The emptiness
The heart breat
Over and over again
When will this end
When will laughter and light fill these cracks once more
When will
The Weight be lifted
The sound be heard
The tears fall
And the heart be whole again
Drained
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
Drained
The years have passed
In a constant battle
Oh how my kingdom
Has exponentially fallen
As the dark thoughts Flow
From the depths of my mind
I’ve grown cold and bitter
Since the dawn of time
Maybe the problem
Was never them
What if all this time it was
Me
My inner demons became my best friends
The more I wrote
The less they terrified me
My blood hot
Boiling hot
Like a teapot ready
To explode
I fall deaf to the
Laughter
And blind to the
Smiles
The deeper I get into my thoughts
The faster the world around me
Disappears
Depression is my worst enemy
Medication
Too many to count
Too many to take
Feeling less and less
In control
Why did I even trust you
With my heart
When you couldn’t even get your
Eyebrows right
I begged you to stay but like a door mat
You walked all over me when you left
I hyped you up
You let me down
I held you high
You left me low
Expressing the darkness
That flourishes within is
Exhausting
Alone and afraid
That I will never
Find my way
Back home
Everyday I wake
Speechless and in shock
Tourtured by the same damn nightmare
Lord please make this stop
Release my soul
From the depths of hell
In this toxic and pitiful life
Another restless night
Under these hazy red lights
Still wishing for the end
To be in sight
Catastrophic thinking
Always living in the extreme
As the rope gets tighter
Gasping for air
All of my problems are gone now
No longer in despair
Scattered thoughts
And
A fragile heart
The last words
I said to you
Still haunts me
So much for my soul to take
All this loss
Can’t seem to catch a break
The tears don’t fall anymore
But I still feel empty
Here’s to the nights I lie awake
Drowning in my thoughts
My masks became jail cells
Struggling to keep my demons down
The blood racing down my arm
The cold chills
Life slowly fading away
Sulking over life
24/7
Constantly contemplating death
By knife
I’m allergic
To true love
It’s time for me to go
Planning my great escape
Don’t know what I’m doing here
I was such a mistake
Over exposed
And
Vulnerable
Constantly breaking down
Like an old truck
With a clueless mechanic
Stuck in this fantasy
Of life being grand
Pushing away reality
Cause I’m not really a fan
Made the mistake of
Changing the alphabet
Trying to put U before I
Thinking you’d be my
Ride or die
Shackles
Bread and water
Prison doesn’t scare me
When I’m already dead inside
You tore me apart
Like a present on Christmas morning
My smile
As fake as the
Love you said you had for me
I live in this box
Walls sky high
I prefer solitude
Cause y’all a fucking lie
As I grew older
I became Superman
Saving people from their demons
Even though mine were kryptonite
More time or more money
Can’t I have both
Guess I’m shit outta luck
Half dead and nearly broke
I wear a million masks
Each a bit different
All for the same cause
I’m 22 not two
Why am I still afraid
Of darkness
Just as in on an uphill climb
I get caught in a landslide
Once more thrown around by my thoughts
With the mud and rocks
Tears mix with ink on this lonely page
Fading out the words my heavy heart carries
It’s easier to go back to what we’re used to
Even though
We know it will hurt us in the end
Have you ever been scared to fall asleep
Scared that your demons will find it’s way
To suck you into the depths of your soul
Where there is no light and no hope
Death is nearing now
I can hear him calling my name
Come closer my love, come home to me
Let go of your worries
Come be at peace
For months you were the one that got away
Holding the blame within
But that flame is gone now
And I have something to say
How about
Fuck you and have a nice day
Fists clenched
Heart facing
In a constant battle
Between me and my anger
He’s navigated the toughest of seas before
But this time is so different
When the seas became a metaphor for his thoughts
And the creatures of the deep became the demons of his soul
How can I carry the team when I can barely carry myself
The curtains are closed
My progress fades away
Healing seems impossible
I’m to far gone all I can to is pray
The memories
Are stuck on repeat
I wasn’t the first soul you’ve destroyed
And it sickens me that it won’t be your last
Relapse after relapse
Storm after storm
A vicious cycle
Of never ending pain
Trapped in this box
Heavy chairs and 24 hr supervision
My mind unstable Andy body empty
Cold barrel pressed under my chin
In a heated debate
Between me, myself and I
Broken and confused
Just quite done with All this bullshit
Cold sweats at 2 AM
My pillow gasping for air
As my grip grows tighter
And a puddle of tears
To start the night
I long for the ambitions I had
For a career I sent downrange
Can’t erase the pain
when it’s written in stone
The roses are dead
The violets are thru
And just like the flowers in my garden
Our love is dead and thru
Over compromising and under compensated
The story of giving my last dime
And receiving nothing
Not even their time
Loyal to a fault
Loyal to you way more than myself
How could I be so stupid to live for you
Instead of for me
You were focused on winning the argument
Not focused on the facts
My feelings never matter
Cause you stabbed me in the back
I drink and drink
Till my problems fade away
Waking up with a headache
And my problems here to stay
You broke a promise
You fed me lies
I fell head over heals
But you stole my heart
And left me to die
I blame you for my insecurities
Why I can’t love
And push people aside
Though our love was toxic
And we could barely breathe
I will still love you
Till the end of time
In my feelings tonight
Preparing for war
It’s not even midnight yet
And I’m already in a storm
One day a helpless victim
The next a heartless killer
Denial, regression and repression
We’re my answers
Because being unhealthy
Was easier
In such a rush to grow up thinking the grass was greener on the other side
The days got harder and the nights got longer
Ramen became a staple and the bills got tight
The stress got high and depression set in
Daydreaming of the green open fields of my past
The madness still lingers in my
Mind
Body
And fingers
About the Creator
Andrew Stem
My thoughts on paper and No holes in the walls
Poetry is my savior
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