My Father, I Mean Stranger Danger



All that I remeber is your flared nostrils and wrinkled forehead Because that's how u would you transform into danger

my father, had a "stranger danger's" face

Because I wouldn't know who that man was when his Chest and shoulders would suddenly grow bold with his face turning into a stranger

I feared my own father

cause of the amount of beatings he would give HER

I'm not an angry person but, I sure know well, how to keep myself Warm with my own anger

I saw you do it many times when I was a child

A child who was nowhere nearly half grown

but to you

I had grown just right enough to get acustomed to being a ring girl for you

That was my career at the age of 6

Things were so bad that my siblings and I

would rather play with each other and be near home

than to play with friends and be far away from home

Cause my father, I mean Stanger danger

Had no warnings sometimes, to to be safe we would rather be there for HER cause we were all she had

I knew that things were bad when she told us,

she fears for her own life, She's afraid of him, his violence had escalated

And yet she tolerated him

cause where was she going to take her 6 kids with no money & no job

That was his advantage and he took HER for granted

Took US for granted

I don't remember hating him But I remeber questioning his actions even doubting my own DNA

Are you really my father, stranger?

I thought fathers were suppose to be their daughters first love, how you take care of me is how I will expect another womans son to do

But wait, is this how it should be?

Am I suppose to allow him to do as he please with me?

Is it okay to take a beating from your own lover like you did with HER?

10 years later, I have tons of questions that grew from childhood trauma

I still find it HARD to forgive you

I don't know how to,

cause over the years I have developed layers of unspoken pain

It's killing me & I've been trying to let go

But where do I begin

When the stranger is no more, he died when I was 7

I don't remember feeling any pain about it

Nor did I even celebrate

Nothing for me was ever awesome about having a father

As much as I know having so much hate for the dead, is only a punishment to myself

But I'd rather endure every minute of it

Than to allow your soul to rest

You deserve no peace, but rather to wake up and come back to see what I’ve had to go through because of you

But maybe, maybe one day I’ll finally find the courage to forgive you

And I won’t be doing it for you, but for myself,

I deserve it