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My Depression

Life is not fun.

By Renee KnadlerPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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I wrote your name on a bullet, so everyone would know, you were the last thing that I finally let go.

My Depression

My depression has this hold of me that will not let me go. I fight with myself every second of everyday just trying to live. That voice tells me their is no point anymore, why even try. Yeah, I got people that would be destroyed if I ended my life, does anyone know how I feel living through another day. No, no one understands how I’m feeling, no one can feel this pain, no one knows the thoughts that run through my head, no one can feel how dead I feel inside. Yes I put on a wonderful act, that’s just because it's easier to say I'm okay instead of trying to explain what's wrong. How can I even explain something I’m still trying to understand. I fight a war inside my head every damn day, one side telling me to kill myself, another one saying just sleep all day, one telling me to pick up the blade and make us happy like I always used to do, another one telling me to pop the top of the pills and take every last one of them, another one telling me to just walk away. So many voices in my head and I am tired of trying to shut them all out. How can I ask someone to help me quite these voices, when I'm the only one who can hear them? All of the voices are me, they are a part of the whole that makes me, me. I don't wanna fight anymore and I don’t wanna cry anymore, I'm done with these damn voices taking over my mind. People tell me I'm strong and can make it out of this, well it's been long enough and I’m done. Why would anyone wanna stay somewhere where you just feel like dying all the damn time. It sounds so much better to not have to fight anymore, to not have to hear the voices anymore, to not hurt anymore, to not cry anymore, no more sleepless nights, no more numbness, no more questions, no more anything, to just be no more, to be gone, and away from it all, it sounds so much better than me having to deal with all this shit going on with me.

heartbreak
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About the Creator

Renee Knadler

I wish the waves would carry me into the deep,

away from this evil place,

away from never ending pain, away from toxic heartache.

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