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I know that many people suffer with mental illness, what I suffer is mild compared to some. I was feeling inspired to share what it is that I go through sometimes, so that if there are people out there who feel like this too they will know they are not alone.
Most days I pretend it doesn’t exist
When it happens I want to persist
But I can’t and it swallows me
It tells me I’m crazy and no one will believe me
I suffer sometimes alone in a world of my own
Sometimes in public but I keep it hidden
It’s been coming in different ways these past days
Mostly in fear at night but sometimes I feel disconnected in daylight
I don’t know how to stop it but I know it will end
So I hold on and pretend
I know I will figure it out and everything will be fine
Eventually I will get ahold of my mind
Panic attacks and nightmares will subside
I will make sense of the turmoil inside
It's bad sometimes in crowded public places
When I'm surrounded by quiet unrecognizable faces
It's bad when I tell people sometimes
I can see the judgement in their eyes
It makes it feel like I'm making excuses
But for what uses
They sometimes say my skin is too thin
I don't want pity from them
It’s at its worst when I feel I can’t leave
There are a million things it makes me believe
But most of all that I need to get out
The voices in my head shout relentlessly until I do
Then I feel silly because I was fine
This is the battle of my mind