It's raining as I leave
The sky pouring out her heart
To nourish the earth below
It makes me think of you
How I cried so many tears
Poured out my own heart
To nourish the scorched love that you left behind
I'm leaving as so many have left before
But the difference is I'll always come back
I wanted so desperately for the little plus sign to appear
Desperate to find a reason to make you come back to me
Desperate enough to throw my dreams away just so I could be held by you one more time
But maybe there's a bigger plan out there for both us
Maybe we don't belong together
Maybe I'll be okay with that
But I hope that one day you show up at my door unannounced but not unwelcome
I'll hold you and all the things that are broken will be put back together
But maybe I'm looking for something in you that will never be there
Maybe what I'm looking for in you is buried deep inside me and I just need to find it
They say if you love something to let it go if it comes back then it is yours
But I'm afraid to let you go because I'm terrified you won't come back
And then it comes rushing in like flood waters
The depression
The insecurity
The voices in my head saying that you aren't good enough telling me that I will fail
But I refuse to let my past conquer my future
I'm letting go of it all and letting life in
Allowing my mind and heart to be open to new possibilities
Absorbing the world around me
I refuse to be scared of the ghosts of my past
I don't know why I'm searching for your face in a sea of strangers
I still get butterflies when your name pops up on my phone
When I left exactly one month ago your name was still stuck on my lips
Your shape still stuck in my mind
And I still craved every piece of you
But now I’m free
I had to get away to see
Had to see that you and I aren’t meant to be
It was him that showed me I could move on
It was him that helped make the memory of you become long gone
It was him that held me when I was lonely
It was him that helped me move on happily
I have to thank you
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for holding me all those nights
Thank you for not pushing the boundaries
Thank you for not sleeping with me even tho I wanted you too
Thank you for showing me there was more to life than him
Thank you for showing me my heart isn’t completely closed off
Thank you for helping me realize that I could be happy with myself
Thank you for not judging me
Thank you for not asking questions
Thank you for making me feel like I belong
And most importantly...
Thank you for being you
Tonight will be the first night without you and it’s strange to me how easy everything was...
I didn’t doubt I didn’t worry and honestly I wasn’t concerned about whether or not it would work. I just loved each day for what it was and god I loved it.
I loved the whole month I spent out there and I want that to be my life all the time. I’ve never been tied down to one place...it’s the people that make a place home for me. And I can’t wait to see you again. And I’m not jealous of anyone else because I know you want me too...so what if you spend time with someone else because in the end I know you’ll come back to me and I can’t tell you how that makes me feel...my last relationship was the best and worst thing that happened to me and it destroyed me but you made me forget, you reminded me how easy it could be. Yeah maybe you are a little lost, but that’s okay because I am too. I love to take care of people and you know how to take care of me...you held me that night when all I wanted to do was sit and cry and when I was stressed you distracted me and made me forget my troubles. Very few people would’ve done that for me. And yeah maybe we won’t end up together in that way but I know I have found a forever friend.
Tonight I feel lost
Tonight I feel like the words can’t form
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