Monster in Disguise

There is a monster behind these innocent eyes, trying to disguise its truth in all the lies, trying to understand whats wrong with me, the things I would never be. A monster in disguise wanting to believe that I am stronger than this life but I have spent so much time on the run I never realized the monster I have become. I never realized the hate I feel for myself and for how my monster in disguise makes me feel alive inside, it fills my pride as my heart lays on the sidelines trying to catch its breath, trying to stay alive.

But the Monster in disguise eats me alive as I am trying to find away to escape, feeling it boiling the blood in my veins wanting every part of me to ache. wanting every part of me to surrender myself to the darkness that hangs in the back of my mind that always finds me in the end, the monster in disguise's best friend. But at least I know me and the monster are never alone and even when it leaves its never too far from home, it never stay gone for too long.

But I guess that was my fatality, a child living with in adult mentality. But I wish I could live with the faith of a little kid, maybe my mind wouldn't be where it's always been, maybe i wouldn't need to feed myself to the things that anger me and stop trying to live up to expectations that i could never see. I'm living with the monster I try not to be but everyone runs from me when they are done with me so how I am not supposed to believe that there is a monster inside of me.

There is a monster behind these innocent eyes but they don't look so innocent do they when the monster comes alive.

10-27-18

This poem was inspired by music artist Gabbie Hanna's new song Monster and Monster reborn, go check it out on youtube and buy her song on Itunes and google play and everywhere else because her music and poetry are so awesome and amazing and so worth it, thanks guys and thank you for continuing to read and support me and writing it means so much!