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Mental Vomit and Pessimistic Shit

Insane

By Jenna StonebargerPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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if only we knew as children when our elders claimed truths only elder would be able to know threw living were true. if we only knew. if we did know would it be different. would things have drastically changed or would we be doomed to make the same decisions same mistakes. would it be better or would it be worse?

these things are idol thoughts that cross my mind on a Monday evening while doing dishes. things that wouldn't even matter usually and will never be thought of again or at least not for a long period of time.

have you ever wondered what people truly think of you? if you knew would you believe it. if people look at you with high praise and affection would you be able to look at yourself the same way? or would u see your self in a dimmer or dark light. unable to believe your worth.

its true when they say people who are funnier and more out going are more sad internally. look at someone when they smile. look them in the eyes can you see there smile in the mirror of the soul. or is there smile bright and there mirrors dim. a waste of poetic words.

if i would of known what the influence of a child in my life would do i would of done it long ago. how can you feel such a strong love from something that isn't even yours. you'll changed your entire way of being for them. learning with them causes you to change your way of thinking. if i saw my small one flashing her breasts at strangers, or abusing alcohol the way i did, having no self respect, i would loose my mind. you change you become a role model you do things a way in hopes they see it and emulate it into themselves. tricky business.

in the end we teach each other and the pursuit of knowledge never ends. there is enough information in the world to learn something new every hour till you expire and you would still not know even half of it.

terrifying isn't it? or maybe that is just me. never ending fear ill miss out on something. yet also having the lack of enthusiasm to do anything about it.

have you ever had a moment that was all to familiar and you swear you have been there before doing the same thing over again. deja vu deja vu. triggered by a smell or a scene or a touch. when they happen do they make your body panic. feeling like right before you fall that small adrenaline rush and the brace. slightly upsetting and then a calm. i hate the ones that last longer then a minute. the longer they drift the more i feel displaced.

am i crazy? am i truly insane. do the thoughts i have make me need to be institutionalized? what makes a person fit in the criteria of insane or mentally ill.

in·sane

inˈsān/

adjective

in a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction; seriously mentally ill.

you make me insane.

i make you insane

i make me insane.

we are all in some way insane.

i need to eat more fruits and vegetables. v8 does not count.

do you think god is in heaven in fear or disgusted of what he has created. i do. we are the forsaken ones. in the end we will all be the same. but you cant trust this opinion it will have changed by tomorrow.

there is always tomorrow

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