Memories Faded and Faded
The Closet Thing I Had to a Grandfather
The closest thing i had to a grandfather
Is an aluminum can
Stories around the fire gather around
Tears n some laughter
The happily ever after i never found
A hole i cant fix
Memories i cant remember
A name i live with
A curse i was given
A member i never experienced
The closest thing to a grandfather
Also left me a freak of nature
Much like he called me
A great uncle
One of a kind
Called to check in
Gave him a rain check
A month later he
Im here asking why
The closest i came was a unfamiliar aluminum can
Was an odd the sky seemed more blue
I didn't ask where we going
I felt like time away from the PS2 the dark cloud was past due
So we stayed cruising
didn't ask what for
He seemed off
The radio wasn't playing
The cd in was asking
How far is heaven
I was asking at what cost,
Didn't know where i would go
I cant recall my age but it was one of those days i sat in the front
Feeling the gas
The gears shifting
Every crack every bump
Turned into a gate
Looked at my father
Looked at the green grass that laid in front of us
Put the car in park turned off the ignition
Then we began to walk
Up towards
The far end
He got on one knee n i sat next to him
He cracked the can took
A sip
Poured some out n pondered for a bit
He sat there
“Happy birthday dad” he said
Phillip
It read
I realized who it was my eyes filled with red
My dad looked at me i think he said
“This is your grandfather, you never meet him, i'm sorry he was taken before he had the chance to hold his namesake,
he passed away
Before you were conceived
N now you know where you got your name after him after me”
I held my tongue n touched the stone plaque
I didn't ask how i didn't ask when well head back
I sat there
My dad finished the beer
Cracked another one n put it right there
“This is for you dad”
This is for you,
At the time i didn't know, but now i know
There was a void a hole in his heart my grandfather couldn't keep
They tried pumping it out
Black n red it leaked
Seemed like the liquor runs in the family cuz i'm going down the same road
N i don't know how to stop it
Pacheco knows
N i lost so many
My other grand father passed before 50,
Brain ache he couldn’t fix it, he gave me the curse but, i hold it like a gift
I hold there names n i lift them
They were a part of me much like my uncle jimmy
I'm a freak of nature ain't no forgetting
I wear my heart on my sleeve i'm a sinner i don't need forgiven
If i go out like them
Tell my grandchild i miss them
Tell my son my daughter
I would tuck them in n kiss them
Tell my mother
I miss her
Tell my father
To leave a can for me
Or a pint of liquor
Cuz blood is deeper than water
My familia will always be on top
I love them more than me until my heart stop
Until my heart stop
That's the closest i ever got...
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