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Marlboro Lights

#VocalNPM

I left the movie tear-filled, 

head down, watch your step

breathe in, breathe out


The sticky floor gripped onto my Vans

It’s a ghost town — not a single soul in sight

But someone is watching me

The fluorescent bulbs above sting 

my eyes squint, trying to adjust to 

the brightness


Everything’s so lit up in here; there’s nowhere to hide

My eyes look red + beaten

The first layer of makeup on my face has been washed away

I feel so vulnerable


Text to Mom:

I couldn’t handle it. 

SEND


I left when I saw him hanging from the ceiling fan

Because part of me thinks that could’ve been you;

if things were different


The drinking. The pills. The rehab.


I keep seeing flashbacks in the bathroom mirror.

All of the times we picked you up

because the pills made you limp in your chair


All I could think about was you.


Crying on the subway home might be the most pathetic

People stare + talk to their friends

with looks of pity and confusion


they can all tell, you know


you face away from your best friend

so she doesn’t see the tears

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Marlboro Lights
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