Lost Child

I was 19 and pregnant

My life was over, I couldn't handle it

I didn't have it in me to kill an innocent child

So I decided to keep my baby and leave it up to God.

My eyes lit up with joy

I was having my first baby boy

Blue was my favorite color

I was excited to be someone's Mother

I watched how big my belly grew

I was excited to see his features too

One evening I didn't feel his kick

Maybe he is just sleepin' and I'm overreacting to this.

I made an appointment with my doctor just to be safe

You know how new mothers get when it's close to their due date.

The nurse said I'm sure that this is all in your head

But let us just check to be sure can you lay back on the bed.

The doctor looked and said, "Natasha, your son has no pulse"

I screamed check again, because your diagnosis is false

I'm seven months pregnant, I just had my ultrasound

You said my baby was healthy but now he's stillborn

I was sent home to mourn with a dead baby in me

Tormented, begging GOD to please let him breathe

I was admitted the next day

To deliver my son who passed away

I didn't get that joy of hearing him cry

As he layed lifeless on my chest I looked him in the eyes

They placed my son in a bed right next to me

One by one people looked at him, then broke down immediately

The nurse said the time of death is 5:14, I still couldn't believe my first born was taken from me.

I walked out the hospital empty

No baby in my hands

Just arrangements for a funeral and labor and delivery bands

God makes no mistakes

This was a loss that I had to face

After 12 years of fear, sleepless nights and many tears

I can now give all the praise for my lost child that heaven has gained.

– Natasha Smith