Lost

She was lost among the flowers..,chasing dragon flies. Looking at butterflies. Finding beauty in everything even broken glass, how it shined or the color of a muddy puddle.

Dreams so many dreams would float through her head like puffy little clouds she would watch from the meadow as she lay on her back..always lost in wonder, but never without a smile on her face.

So kind she would draw in peoples pain making it her own...

Tired, pain has changed from others to her.

Chipping pieces of her heart like the shattered glass she found so pretty as a child. Closing off her feeling like water from a sink faucet.. shielding her once carefree heart. Not letting people in, each one chips more into her glass fragile heart...

Years, years, years dying inside.. walking as if death has already placed judgment on her soul... I have become the walking dead.

Not alive, but not quite dead either.. shallow pulse. Is my heart even beating?.. if so, why? what gives it strength? It feels as if it has been bleed dry. Still despite all this pain she smiles... not always happy to be smiling. Smiles none the less...

What does happiness feel like? Is it too late for her to know? Little girl giggling...heard from deep within...was that me? Is she still there through everything? Ignore her she will rest again as she had for many, many years.

Sunlight beams bright opening the darkened corners of her heart, where once was a heart pieces to form a whole...

Laughter returns, wow feels good to laugh...I remember now vaguely the happiness of it.. just to smile..my heart is mending...I feel the ugly stains that tarnish the scatter glass below laying at the bottom of my heart.. lift away stains lift away. I can breathe a little I am no longer suffocating...the air is sweet.

My joy comes in an unexpected form.

Black hair, with mahogany eyes. I can breathe, I feel again, death is leaving my body slowly, through a smile, his smile.

No more pain I feel it lifting like a breeze.

What is this feeling, I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel I am healing. I can't ever remember these feelings. A giggle deep inside me. Yes I remember long, long as that girl. I felt these feelings once. They were short and swift, robbed before ever enjoying those sensations fully as a child...

I am afraid I have been dead so long, I don't know how to be alive. Help me I hear my heart screaming to my redeemer...he cannot hear me, because my mouth keeps my heart quiet. My mind jumps at my heart like a rabid dog. Shut up you!! Haven't you learned that enough. Trust no one is best as you are to be dead, be alone, no one can love you. I hear her giggling blocking out the fight in my mind. Come here I whisper wanting to hold myself. How do you embrace your own spine?

I close my eyes and reach out...I feel her little hand. She looks up at me and smiles and says you are fine I am here now. A little giggling escaping her lips. That is the longest hide and seek game I have ever played. I was afraid I had managed to get lost somehow.. smiling to her I say well I found you now.. she pulls me closer and whispers to me. I look into my own eyes from woman to child. No she says he found me, we both were lost.