Look at Me

Look at my face.

What do you see?

Big brown eyes? Pinkish full lips? Clear skin?

I look in the mirror,

what do I see?

I see my eyes,

theses holes in my skull,

the very holes that leak rivers,

that lead to my innermost thoughts, the thoughts that drive me insane,

the thoughts that I whisper to myself and fall asleep to at night.

I see my lips,

the prison cell of my words,

I want to say so many things,

a cry for help,

but my lips don't seem to move,

they want to stay together,

they are soulmates, never meant to be apart.

I see my skin,

the ripples of impurity,

the piles and piles of flaws layered on top of each other,

the dirt that I've thrown against myself with nothing but hate.

Look at my body.

What do you see?

An athlete? Flat stomach? Toned arms? Toned legs?

I look at my stomach and I see all the times that I killed myself working out,

Just so I can be and feel as equal to what I thought was beauty,

I see the times I looked at my food and I said sorry,

I see all the times they touched me and said I wasn't pretty.

I look at my arms and I see all the blood i've shed,

I see the nights I didn't want to live,

I see the tears I left when struggling to love myself.

I look at my legs and say sorry,

sorry that have to carry my body day after day,

I’m sorry I have to push them everywhere I go,

even though I walk around, “tall and proud”,

I still let my head drop between my shoulders,

My skull has been replaced with a bolder.

Look at me.

What exactly do you see?

What kind of person is she?

Seriously tell me!

Please.

You see, I am my worst critic.

I'll never see the good.

I've been told i'm pretty,

that i’m beautiful, and kind,

and smart and worthy of the finer things in life.

But no, I am none of those.

The difference between your eyes and mine, is that you view me softer.

Our eyes are doors into another universe.

Built inside of our being.

Tell me.

What do you see in mine?

Most people see an athlete,

A girl that has her life together.

But really I'm just a girl whos wanting to disappear forever.

But hey, at least still I’m trying.