July 19th a few years ago, this is something only a few know
Let me take you back to one day that my whole life seemed to change, everything needed to re arrange, because I was going to be a dad and to me it was strange, I didn’t realize that following that news I would be filled with pain, but we will get to the in a second, she rang me up saying what you reckon, about having a baby and be honest with me, so being honest with her I said welcome to the family, things were good things were planned, through the bad days I held her hand, she got stressed and I had to be the man, but I was young so I didn’t really understand, the responsibility that comes with having kid, didn’t realize that she would criticize everything that I did, but it was fine I took it on the chin, but now we’re at a certain point I’ve got to begin, the first very dark day I’ve had, see I was going to be a dad, and I could not wait, I mean I was counting down to the date, aint it funny how the due date was that same day heaven took my best mate, she was 3 months gone, and on this certain day I knew something was wrong, I woke up to 21 missed calls and about 5 texts, saying stu I need you where are you please answer your phone, I really need to see you now I’m all on my own, I’m scared, she knew I cared but I wasn’t aware of what news she had to share, she said meet me up the hospital as soon as you can, so I ran up there like I was the gingerbread man, trying to make it there quick, and as soon as I got there I started feeling sick, walked in to a horrible scene she had her hands on her belly, tears flowing down her face I doubt she could see the telly, so I went over and asked what’s up, she said it’s all fucked up, I said what you mean no really what you mean, she said stu honestly I don’t know how to tell you this but somethings happens to our 3 man team, it took a few seconds for me to realize but when I did I just hit the floor, I said Na it can’t be true he’s not here no more, and she just nodded her head, got up and left, left me to not know what to do, I was destroyed honestly it hurt, but you know what’s worse, I missed out on my chance to have a kid but there’s still dads that have theirs, and theres still dads out there that don’t even care, it’s not big it’s not bad, trust me man up because honestly you will never feel as sad, as I did then and as I still do, all of this is exactly what happened yeah it’s all true, it’s just part of my story I wanted to share with you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
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August 28th
August 27th was a pretty chilled day, only fosters on my mind what else can I say, so I head to the pub nothing’s wrong is there, going for a beer with a mate having stories to share, so we went to the first pub without a care, first pint down another dozen to tear, I’ll tell you now a mate like mine rare, thought of everyone else and he was always there, any problem he would stop them with a simple solution, or come up with a short and sweet conclusion, but anyway there we were 1 fosters and a dark fruit, he said he had some news I didn’t have a clue, he said I’ve cleared my debts man I feel brand new, I said brother trust me I’ve just cleared mine too, he replied in that case next ones on you, so I did what any other man would do, I got the same again but this time with our go to shot, a little toast to ourselves and one to where we’ve got, I remember when we had nothing but we still made the most, of what we had no money but still going out with time to boast, about doing this that and the next, waking up everyday to a text, like g do you remember what happened last night reply, like no why? I didn’t do something stupid did I, so back to us at the pub just after our jäger, I had to tell him something that happened and to me it was major, me and my ex broke up a few weeks before now, he said how Na really how, but I didn’t need to explain, we sank our drinks now it’s time for the next pub again, more beer more cheer no more living in fear, he was chuffed to bits because soon his little one would be here, then the footie came on and we sat down to watch, Man U versus Tottenham and what a match it was, Man U lost 3-0 so it gave him a thrill, we walked out the pub drinks in hand with no chill, chanting who the fuck are man united, two brothers reunited, I whipped out my phone because I wanted everyone to see, that that man right there he’s family, we walked down even further than we were meant to go, then he through that pint and I ended the video, that pint on the floor with all the smashed glass, symbolized that we didn’t care about our past, but the time had come and we both knew too, we walked to the bus stop so he could catch either a first or a blue, the bus came so he said one love and I love you, then he went home so I did too, the next day August 28th something wasn’t right I hadn’t heard from him since I left him last night, but I went to work and I can’t lie I felt like shite, could hardly see with the sun shining so bright, simple day at work then I went for my last break, my phone rang i picked up then I felt myself shake, the news I couldn’t take, tears rolling down my face, called them back like no man this must be a mistake, you’re having a laugh this must be fake, then the words were said, with my face turning red, stu I’m not wrong, I’m really sorry mate but Cully’s gone, gone as I’m gone he’s not with us no more, are you sure, yeah stu he’s not with us no more, he was found this morning I don’t need to say another word, I still to this day can’t believe what I heard,
By Stuart Nineham5 years ago in Poets
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