Little Kicks

They call me crazy

I truly believed you were my baby

I couldn't have imagine it all

There were so many signs

Deep down I knew it had to be too good to be true

When I found out you weren't real

I turned truly blue

Then to get the news

That ripped my heart out

Especially after feeling those imaginary little kicks

I never knew things to be so hit or miss

To hear those doctors

The words they said stuck in my head

The possibility of loosing you forever

The thought that I may never

Have those little kicks

The pain that came

Was I the only one too blame

Is it fair that it causes me so much shame

I'll never forget

You may not have been there

But the pain was all too real

The tears I cried

I can still feel them slide down my face

I would erase it all if it would help

I hate to say it little one

But I would forget you

If it meant I could move on

But I'm stuck

Never getting past you

Your image lingers in my brain

The heartache I feel

When I still have hope

That some day you'll come to be real

If I could hold you in my arms

If I could truly see those little eyes

Look up at me with the wonders of the world

If I could hold those tiny fingers in my great big hand

If I could give you all the love any one has ever deserved

Then maybe I could smile

Even if just for a little while

Only a wish, a dream, a wild idea

Maybe you just weren't meant to be

I can't keep moving forward

I'm stuck on an endless loop

Just waiting for the pain to fade

I know you'll never be here

You'll always be an image I created

A dream from once upon a time

A fairy tale not meant to be told

A heartache caused simply by my fate

Now I've turned into a being of hate

Not for you or them

But for me, for the mother I wanted to be

I hate the idea

I hate the dream

I hate that deep down some how I still believe.

#VocalNPM