Life Is What We Allow It to Be...

Single. Taken. Married. All alone...

I never felt as if I would or even could feel pride in myself again in this lifetime. As many of us do, I allowed words of others to gain control of my emotions. This led to me handing over the reigns of my entire being to basically nothing but thin air. I had fallen away from life so quickly it seemed. I prayed for help. I prayed for death. I prayed for guidance to show me the best way out of my living hell.

I went to sleep that night in tears. Lost. Lonely. Full of self hatred. Ready to no longer feel... I wanted to feel absolutely nothing anymore. I was done.

The next morning comes and yet again, I failed at losing all feelings. I was still breathing and heart beating. I felt different though. Words started coming to me out of nowhere but at the same time, these words seemed to have always been right there all along. I learned that day that the best way for me to cope with my life's problems was for me to write. To put my true feelings on paper. Get those words out of my overworked mind. I will share some of my writing and as we go I will explain my situations leading up until today. I hope that something I say can help someone else out there. We all face our own hells. Just know that you are not alone as I had been made to feel I was.

Her Battle

Once upon a misery

Dead dreams of what she could be

Her smile hides the pain in her heart

But inside, she is falling apart

Is happiness just a fairytale

Or is this life just a nightmare

Her emotions are so frail

She tries to hide herself, wants to sleep the days away

What kind of life is this

She can see all that she is forced to miss

Why is all that she has to give always not enough

Never enough for her to live

She will never understand the why's

She will never understand all the lies

All she wants is to be looked in the eyes

No one knows just how hard she tries

One day it will be too late

It's terrible to feel so much hate

Life was meant to be happy

But..just look at me...

Her story is hopefully changing

Her pain is forever aging

She wants to feel free

Like the wind blowing through the trees

Once upon a misery

She is turning her dreams into reality

Opening her eyes with the beautiful sunrise

As light shines on a new day, she sees a new way

God made her perfect in his vision

If no man can see this

Then it's his loss

His miss

Turning life around

One moment at a time

Hopefully one day I can see

Life's misery is no longer for ME

I deserve to smile

I deserve for someone to go that extra mile

I will be happy, I will suçceed

Just you wait and see

Once Upon A Time...