Legions

He's been my friend for so long

I forget other people don't like him

And that when they get to know me

They scowl in spite of him

But he caresses me and holds me

With the tightest grip

No one else holds me like this

The world isn't kind

Humans are conniving fiends and he makes me realize this

While suppressing any genuine feelings

I don't want to live like this

But the universe has deceived me

into thinking there are brighter days

I guess I'll keep dreaming

That's the only way I get through each minute

Thinking of the possibility that I could have it

Happiness,

pure bliss,

without being a savage

Why does it have to be so hard to grab it

He explains to me it's all in your mind

You have to flip the switch that's out of reach to see life as Devine

But he asks

"Is that really what you want to do with your time

Pretend these lies you tell yourself are the way out of your shattered mental health

That the good things will stay,

that I won't come back to play

That's not how this works

You're stuck with me

I hope it hurts"

He pulls me in a little tighter

Then too tight

Oh my god

Should I fight him?

He is my home

The only one I truly know

I don't want to upset him

Don't want to put on a show

Hold is too tight now

I'm having trouble breathing

I try to slip away

But before I can he's leaving

I grab his arm

Pull him back

I'm awestruck and bleeding

But I already started grieving

Why can't I let go of these demons

Why is their hold more comforting than my achievements

Why can't I be happy and believe it

The distress is killing me but he keeps on making me see no reason

For life,

for struggle,

even for breathing

That has stopped now

My heart is no longer beating

He crushed my lungs with my soul

I enjoy the freedom

But he follows me in to the dark

Goodbye my legions

Keep fighting

Even though I couldn't beat him

Maybe in my next life

I won't even meet him