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kNOwledge

Full Circle

By Roleby ColvinPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
1

Knowledge…

Know the ledge from which you leap…

I never even caught the edge before I fell.

Down deep dark into the twisting nether of whatever world I left behind and created new from false sprung hope…

It wasn't the bone cracking stop at the bottom of rock bottom that I felt…

But the silence all around me..

Silence …

Inside a heart that stutters and shudders yearning to be free from the domesticated bliss I have found in reality… realty… home… father….

But never the son and more so lost than an echo swallowed by the caves of cracked glass smiles and clean looking folks…

Staring down at me as I climbed my way through the muck, struggle and strife…

The words kNOw your place clearly and distinctly plastered on their faces…

It wasn't for me to be better, not my place to lift up from where I found myself…

Screaming, silence into the wind…

Silence,

Silence, the sound that haunts me to this day, killing the boy and feeding the man, a transition I thought would prove that I could rise up above circumstances and ill gotten fates, to redeem my past and make for a better final act…

But it's all a lie… the way the cut lays in folds of skin… there is no care for those with hearts made of fools gold…

There is just the selfish world hid inside the selfless acts of children crying LOOK AT ME...

LOOK AT ME…

Don't look at me… whisper song fades with bowed heads of heathen delight,

Because the truth is you kinda like it…

But the shame crushes you from what you were

Stifles you down

Until you conform...

Assimilate...

One of the herd, eyes closed as freedom bleeds green from your fingertips for a life you work to uphold… truth is you never wanted it… never felt it..

Never felt like you belong...

The odd puzzle piece with the jagged corners placed in the box out of sight… out of mind.

Thinking is wrong in your jigsaw law.

All I wanted was to breathe…

To feel safe again…

To end the fight and prove my worth against sad days and sadder life…

I was wrong, as is always the case, I fall… because I don’t have the strength left to face the glares and feel the hate…

Because I am lost too...

I don't deserve it,

I never did,

I never will,

So now I crawl back inside my own swollen soul.

Back in the closet where the voices tear through cool night air…

Because I am ugly you see…

I always will be…

Don't look at me…

Just don't look for me…

surreal poetry
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