Know the Name; The Mind of a School Shooter

No longer would I kiss

the floor in which they use to stride

cause when you divide

their minds

It's all simplified

Their ignorant

and it’s bringing them bliss

but it’s brought me down

Just look at me now

In my dreams

I conceive

that their deaths are haunting me

I can't sleep

All I remember is when I screamed

"This magnum will make you see that I am-"

the kid in behind

With a heart like an ice box

that had been replaced by talk

from the girls that are “so hot”

the kids on top,

the preps and the jocks

but no it doesn’t stop

I may be the one bullied

but there are bullies out there aren't who you'd think

from stereotypical athletes

to the common mathlete

my friends even taunted me

Those red ribbons on wrists from a blade that I called my only love

Made me see scars can heal in ways words can’t

I've had enough

think before you spit

because it might hit

someone that can’t take it

but now

Their words had become my bullets

but my bullets hit harder

they now know what it’s like

know the name for I am

Just another kid down the block

looking for someone to talk to

but when I look at you,

I feel warm inside

you were the light that left my life

and by god do I wish you were still here

they put that rope in your hand

they tied it up and around your neck

they kicked the chair and watched you fall

all without laying a finger on you at all

sayings like sticks and stones may break my bones

but no, words will be the death of me

I wanted them to respect me

and my legacy

for I have a name

Nothing will be the same

when you know the name I am

the product of an unfit marriage

early monogamy between young adults with a child on the way

I was the reason the ropes got tied that day

but the little specks of wood from the broken door still tangled in the carpet

is the reason the rope burned away

once that fire meant passion is now the smoke that chokes me

i’m sorry ma, I didn’t want to be like him but they made me

From the Tv screen telling me I need to make my claim to fame

but how are they going to know my name when I act the same

13 shootings in the first few weeks of 2014 alone, but I will be known. my name will go on

I am not a statistic

Know the name I am…

A mistake

An unexplained happening in this town

I’m sorry that Pa just was never around

don’t give me that crap now

can’t you see what I got into

can’t you see I was skating on thin ice that snapped

like the strings in my heart when reality hit too hard I’ve gone to far

mama, help me, the rage isn't over

and when I saw them sniveling I feel like they finally know how I feel

I don’t want another doctor to prod into my thoughts to see why I did it

I don't know why I did

I wish I hadn't hurt those kids

I just wanted them to know,

I... Am here