It Consumed You

i stayed awake crying. “why can’t you change?” i would tell myself repeatedly. i thought this was normal. you locked yourself away and chugged that clear bottle of patron. the one with the green ribbon, your favorite. we couldn’t get in. you had a padlock on your bedroom door. i hated you. i loved you. i contradicted myself a lot. you yelled, kicked us out one by one. wondered why we were gone the next morning. you had the home to yourself. you skipped out on our youth. we won’t stop loving you. you always apologize and play the victim. we always will forgive you. then it happens again. we miss you. we wanna leave you. “irish genes” you blame it on. you don’t care. god i wish you knew what it did to us. you’re selfish. i don’t care. you hurt our family. i wish you cared. you left us. we left you. we always came back. we missed you. we loved you. till the alcohol consumed your mind. we really love you mommy.