Inner Demons!

My demons and I have history. They promise to play nice, as long as you don't mess with me. Trust me you wouldn't wanna say hi to them. They have killed the good that was left inside of me. The dark has never felt so good.

Inner Demons!

I can do this, I have to do this. Nobody sees and nobody knows, the thoughts in my head try to kill me. My mind feels so weak, my soul feels so beat. The days pass slow, the nights so cold, I wanna run away, away from home. I don’t want to feel this way, I want it to go away. I can’t take the pain, I don’t wanna keep living this way. My mind keeps me awake, these feelings I can not shake. Is my life just a mistake, should it just disintegrate, but what would happen then? Time keeps passing, and the hurt is too much to keep hiding. Being strong for so long can cause damage to yourself as a person. It’s very true that pain changes people. A human being can only take so much before they mentally break. Slowly enough your mind gets all twisted up, it’s hard to trust, believe, hope, love and have faith. You start to question your own existence and wonder, what is the blessing hidden within all this destruction of your own well being.

No matter what happens I can’t blame anybody but me. I care too much and I love too much. I trust too much, and I hurt too much. I don’t know why it has to end like this but I just can’t control it much longer. The pain has taken over, I’m not gonna say sorry because I don’t regret a single thing I did. So many times I have tried to get over this, to leave it all in the past, it won't let me go. Yes I know this may not be the right way to deal with problems, but I am my own problem and my own solution. So I am gonna do what I have to do, so I can finally be happy and not have to worry anymore. That just sounds so much better than being here where I am right now. The heartache I feel is something I can not control right now. Just the thought of not having to be hurting anymore makes it just a little easier to keep going on this way. I have been harming myself for a long time, and soon it is all going to show itself.