I’m Sorry

I'm sorry for my talkativeness

And for making up words we both know doesn’t exist

I’m sorry for having you listen to my nonsense

And for being clumsy and always tripping

Over air and nothing

I’m sorry that I’m creepy

That I stare at you all the time

I’m sorry I admire you because you’re still with me

And,

I’m sorry that I cry too often now

I’m sorry that my tears are from fear of walking into a hole in the floor and disappearing

Or from getting shot in the shower

Sometimes even from random explosions

I’m sorry that I get paranoid

I’m more sorry when you tell me you aren’t annoyed

I’m sorry for ruining nights together

For feeling uneasy randomly

I’m sorry for using your arms as my safe haven

For using their strength to stop my seemingly uncontrollable shaking

I’m sorry that you understand

I’m sorry that I get too raveled in my mess to take care of us

Sometimes I’m sorry there’s an us

I’m sorry I am not psychic

That I couldn’t predict I’d end up like this

I’m sorry there was nothing I could’ve done to stop it

I’m sorry I refuse to take anything to help

I’m sorry I decided to struggle through it myself

Because then you held me and made it our mess

I’m sorry when I can’t fall asleep

That I feel I won’t wake if I do

I’m sorry that you stay up with me

And tell me the whole night I’ll be fine just trust you

I’m sorry for always thinking I’m having a heart attack

I’m sorry for all my panic attacks

I’m sorry for getting queasy

Because sometimes I feel the ground shake beneath me

I’m sorry for waking up scared because I felt like my heart told my lungs to stop breathing

I’m sorry that you get me

I’m sorry that I get nauseous and dizzy and chest pains

I’m sorry when I call you at random times to complain

I’m sorry that you understand

I’m sorry I can’t get rid of the pain

I’m sorry for my attitude change

For getting sad randomly

Or angry

I’m sorry that you get me

I’m sorry when I fall into silence because my mind goes blank and my emotions are held in

I’m sorry when I stare at you without admiration

Because instead I’m trying to figure out if you’re just my imagination

I’m sorry that sometimes I get emotionless

That everything around me feels fake or like a dream

I’m sorry for sounding crazy

I’m sorry that I’m selfish

I’m sorry I keep you in my mess

I’m sorry that you love me so much you choose to stay

And I’m sorry I wouldn’t have it any other way

But I’m grateful too

For everything you do

I’m sorry because I’m thanking you