I Wish I Would've Known
What to Know About Abusers
I know that I'm not perfect
I've made many of mistakes
but the things you put on me
were not my blame to take
you blamed me for your bad luck
your misfortune and for your actions
you blamed me for the way you felt
and for majority of your actions.
I wish I would've known
there's a lot I wish I could've stopped
so much I should have seen.
but the biggest thing I regret is not knowing what you'd take from me
you took away my safety. the moment I thought it was found
you took away my free spirit although I swore I'd never be pinned down
you took away my courage
to speak up when I was wronged
you took away my strength you took away my identity and it really didn't take long
I wish I would have seen through those crude jokes and constant jabs I wish I would have known your a monster if you don't smoke or if your mad
I wish I would've known you only love me when you're high because if I would've known I wouldn't waste my time. the wall was puncture by your fist next to my face, but you apologized so of course that made it okay.
I should've seen that as a warning, took it as a sign.
But instead I took your hand helped you heal your wounds, unaware I was helping you to hurt me again at any given time.
I was a piece of art creating my own master piece. You just wanted the paint brush you wanted to define and redecorate me
Erased the flowers in my hair, watered down the fire in my soul, put out the warmth on my eyes leaving an empty soul.
I wish I would've known that you never really loved me for any man who loves a woman wouldn't make her bleed.
He wouldn't make her cower or fear when he comes through the door, he wouldn't hurt there baby or push me to the floor.
They wouldn't have to buy me things to make up for all the pain, they wouldn't leave me pregnant, in the street 11pm pouring frozen rain.
And I wish I would've known you would've taken all my self worth. I wish I would've known you'd never put me first. I wish I would've listened when my friends said that you'd cheat but even when you did you somehow put the blame on me
But now I'm done wishing. I'm done wasting my precious time. I know you'll never change, you'll never see the error in your ways and that is just fine.
I wish I would've known I'd waste so much time on you because I'd go back and make sure to not waste one single tear on you.
~Blu
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