I Wish I Was Sad Again

Sometimes,

I wish I was sad again.

But not like actually sad.

I spent too long

Crawling my way back to reality

Constructing my happiness

Piece by piece

And eradicating the demons

Out of the caverns of my mind

Just to go back

To being sad again.

Sometimes,

I wish I could see the world

The way I did when I was sad.

You see,

When I was sad

I saw the world

Like I had a used roll

Of paper towel

Pressed against one eye

And the other eye

Simply got lost.

Now, many people may say

That this is a horrible tway

To view the world

That I should have looked harder

That I was missing the big picture.

But I always said

"You're missing the small picture."

When I was sad,

The world was too big for me

I found a broken-down home

Somewhere deep inside myself

And the only things that

Could pull me back into the light

Would have been missed

If I was only looking

For the big picture.

I would have missed

They way golden leaves

Raced each other to

The frost-bitten ground.

I would have missed

The way the trees

Gave way to the howling wind,

Bending, but not breaking,

Something I always reminded myself

To mirror.

Sometimes,

I wish I was sad again

For the way words

Flowed out of my fingertips

And sculpted themselves on paper

Before my very eyes.

Because of the way

I looked at the world

I was able to craft

Line after line

Of audible emotion.

Now, it seems like

I'm too busy

Looking for the big picture.

I guess I'm too busy

Being happy.

Life is passing me by

Like a train passing though a station

And I keeping telling people

"I'm waiting for the next one."

Sometimes I wish I was sad again

Because I miss being able

To look into every window

Of every train flying by

To study the faces of people

Who are looking for

The big picture,

And being able to

Create their stories in my mind

Because mine was too busy

Writing my epilogue.

As much as I wish

I could see between the cracks

Like I could when I was sad

I am glad

That I can now

Look at the train

And not want to jump in front of it.