I Washed Myself

I washed myself

in water, not the kind

that is sugar sweet.

The kind that makes

your throat close up,

makes your skin shiver,

gets you naked and

leaves you with bruises.

No, soap to soak my body,

watch my nakedness become

a realization.

A truth I couldn't escape

because you stained me

like jam covered toast.

Toilet paper to wipe

the sin, to clean the sinner,

unlock the lock and wisp

away my mistake.

You became the colors

on my skin and the guilt in

my stomach.

I wasn't strong

enough to keep your window

closed.

I didn't lock myself up too

tight like I should have like

an armed lock to keep the Devil

out.

Instead, I spread my legs

open for Death to enter from

my thighs with a scythe.

A waterfall of blood to continue

that I couldn't feel.

A broken heart I couldn't mend,

a piano playing in a dark and white room.

I looked in the mirror, clutching

the crib of my stomach...

Then I realized you were gone, I was alone

with blood on my hands again

and tears rushing that were no

longer sweet.

Our hands are covered in blood,

so I washed my body but the water

was nothing but bittersweet.

I wish I could have held you once.

I whisper as I wash the blood

off my naked body one last

time.

Goodbye