When my uncle got married,
I had the coolest shoes.
They were white, to go with my flower girl dress.
They had a small heel to them, and the heels were hollow.
They had all sorts of colorful beads in them.
I loved those shoes so much, it didn’t even matter that that night wasn’t mine.
I was a princess.
But princesses don’t have to beg.
When I turned eighteen,
I let pride dance around me like a stripper on a millionaire.
I left my comfort in a hurry
To pursue a dream that was nothing more
Than a nightmare.
I gave up everything for someone I didn’t even know.
I hated the man she fell for.
So I left there, too.
But where do you go with no way to get there?
I lost my shoes.
I sold all of my shoes so I could eat this week.
Ten pairs was only worth thirty dollars at a pawn shop.
Ever wonder how the rain feels when you have no other choice than to feel it?
It feels lonely. Empty.
But most importantly Dry.
Ever see a person stare at you in pity and disgust at the same time?
It’s painful. It’s scary.
But most definitely Empowering.
Ever sleep under the stars when you have no roof to hide under,
No bed to linger in?
The grass makes the best pillow.
Camping in the middle of a city with nothing but a cardboard sign
And It matters how big you write
And what you are trying to say.
It matters that the clothes I have saved for myself are still nice.
It matters that I still try to take care of myself.
People won’t help you if you don’t fit the stereotype.
People won’t help you if you do fit the stereotype.
I slept in a bed with blankets for the first time in six months.
But I didn't sleep long.
I could shower as long as I needed to in the privacy of my own home
Instead of a showerhead attached to lakewater for swimmers
but I didn't take more than a few minutes.
I ate a steak with vegetables and rice with a glass of milk and cake for dessert
For the first time in six months.
And I couldn’t even keep it down.
I bought my first pair of shoes in six months.
And I can’t even wear them.